A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid, I was dating this girl long distance for two years, we fell completely in love. My family lived in the city she lived in and me a different one. We had picked out an engagment ring and planned to get married with her moving to me. At the time i was slefish and had a job i loved and didnt want to give that up but in the same time realize how home sick i was and didnt want to pull her from her family so broke it off. Long story short, I ended up moving to her city and finding out she was living with a new guy. After she discovered i had lived there the fighting began with her guy and i was always there for her, brought her a bed to sleep on, toilet paper, everything to make sure she was comfortable. hey eventually broke up and we hung out for a year and a bit but off and on. It seems when ever she got close to me she would run becuase she was obvioulsy scared. This guy she lived with treated her like crap, didnt respect her and just treated her like garbage. I have recently found out shes is dating this guy again! two years i have been nothing but good to her! Ive always wanted to marry this woman and i guess my question is, should i give up and move on with my life and is this really over? Signed, Very lost.
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broke up, long distance, move on Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 February 2011):
 Have you even told her how you feel about her? After all, wasn't it you who ended it with her? How is she supposed to know that you still care for her that way unless you tell her?
And perhaps she is scared of getting back with you as you were once upon a time selfish yourself, and she fears you will be selfish again.
A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (4 February 2011):
Yes, move on as soon as possible.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2011): Thanks Guys, Im the one that wrote the question and i appreciate the advice.... like everyone says, her loss really!
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (4 February 2011):
 I think that you should try to forget about her and move on. You were as kind and caring to her as you possible could be, and you did all you could, then to repay you she goes back to the guy that treated her like rubbish. I know its hard for you, but your best option is to pick yourself up, dust yourself down and move on. As time goes by your feelings for her will lessen, time is a great healer. Do stuff to take your mind away, go out with friends, have a laugh, do an evening class, the gym, whatever helps you get over her, and you will most certainly get over her, just give it some time.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (4 February 2011):
 You're her fall back. The relationship was fine as an LDR because it was basically fictional. Once the realm of reality was added, it complicated matters.
You've got to stop being there to pick her up when she falls. Be clear about what you want, and that if she wants to try it, you're there for her. But you'll no longer be the one for her to run to when she's going back to another man. It's not fair to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2011): You have to understand that through no fault of her own you broke off your engagement to her. That is a hard thing to go through and shows that you are fickle. She doesn't trust you after that, understandably. You may think this new guy treats her like dirt, but breaking off your engagement to her was equally a dirty blow. As far as whether you should give up, well that is something you already did upon blowing off the engagement. Right now there is really nothing real and solid to give up on. You are pursuing someone from your past and fighting for something that has been over for a while. Yeah you should move on. It hurts I am sure, but you live and learn. If you love someone, don't blow off your engagement.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2011): OMG, yes give her up. That would be the best thing you could do for yourself. The girl, no matter how much you love her, does not love you, that is apparent. She seems to love this other guy who you say treats her badly, and not you. It seems to me she comes to you only when she needs something. Sorry to say this, she does not seem like a good stable women. Move on, find someone who will really love you.
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