A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my military boyfriend have been together for a year. I am ready to move in together and to get engaged and make a commitment in our relationship. I have a 2 year old little girl and he has a 4 year old son both from previous marriages. He moved his mother down from a different state to help take care of his son when he is away for TDY's and such. the problem is that after a year of being together about 3 months ago he stopped seeing me as much and stopped having sex with me, he has even gone so far as to ask if his mother wanted to come on dates with us! He no longer texts me at work and doesnt call me, i am lucky if i get to see him once a week. I have broken up with him twice over these issues but a day later reconciled because i am so in love with him and he begged for me back. I am having issues because back during christmas time he also asked me to move in with him after i had lost my job, i declined and said that i wasnt ready yet. but now my lease expires in august and i thought that would be our 1 1/2 mark in our relationship and that would be a perfect time to live together, well he is now "not ready" and i have a feeling it is because his mom lives with him. (his mom has lived with him our entire relationship). I want to make this work so badly but he doesnt seem to put in the time or effort. i guess it makes it even harder because children are involved and they are attached my daughter loves him very much and his son. what should i do about this situation. i have tried talking to him but everytime i try to talk or set aside a date to talk he either avoids the questions or just makes a joke out of it or just changes the subject all together.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (21 May 2008):
Well he doesn't want you to leave him, but every time you take him back, he gets the message he can carry on as he is.
Tell him you want to talk about your problems or you really are leaving him for good. There could be deeper issues here... not having sex is a big sign of stress. Wanting to bring his mum out might mean that she is unhappy and lonely and he's stressed out about that. You have to get him to talk but also you really need to listen. You need to be willing to make changes too, not just to expect them from him.
You have to get this sorted out as being a military wife is really really hard, and your relationship has to be really good to cope with it all.
Make the threat of breaking up and if he still doesn't make any effort then you have to go through with it.
Good Luck!! xx
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