A
female
age
41-50,
*elleb
writes:As a sometimes sufferer of Limerence (although not severe) I believe I have become the LO of another person! In fact I think I am caught in a limerence triangle!I am a female, who a couple of months ago was whisked away on a "top performers" trip with my employer. International resort, tropical island paradise, spoilt rotten, cocktails, adventures - you get the idea...Now, since the trip I have been "in lim" with an interstate colleague (lets call him Harry). I suspect it may be mutual, but given it has been a while since I have experienced these feelings I have been going with the emotional rollercoaster and way to scared to test the boundaries of his feelings yet. However, there was a colleague and friend (let's call him Tom) who I have known for many years who was also on the trip.Now Tom and I hung out quite a bit as buddies, I know his wife a little as well and got to hear some lovely stories about how they met and fell in love. We had some really good talks - as friends can when they have free time to catch up. At the same time, I knew it wouldn't hurt for Harry to see me getting attention from other men (even if I knew it was innocent). It did get a little weird with Tom on the last night of the trip, where he got very drunk and said some things (eg that he had wanted to tell me I looked beautiful but he was too scared to tell me) and invaded my personal body space and kept putting his arm around me, etc. Because it was getting uncomfortable (he was very drunk!) and I didn't want Harry to get the wrong idea - I did a runner when Tom was at the bar. But after than night and back at work everything just went back to normal.But here is the news that has stricken fear into my heart! A mutual friend (of Tom's and mine) came to see me yesterday in a panic. Tom has suddenly left his wife, saying that he has been "living a lie" and is not in love with her. He said he has developed feelings for a friend, but does not what to make an approach until he has ended things with his wife. I am afraid I am the friend. I am afraid he has fallen in limerence with me for 3 reasons: 1. The romantic setting of the trip;2. the fact that I opened up to him simply because I trusted he was in love with someone else; and 3. that because I was trying to impress Harry I was deliberately trying to present myself to everyone as sweet, demure, kind and lovely so that he would be charmed by me!Now I may be completely mistaken, and if so -fantastic.But if not, how do I bring him to his senses? I am very fond of this man as a friend but I will not become romantically involved with him.I have been here before. The gentle letdown ("I only care for you as a friend") never seems to make a dent in limerence. Sometimes it makes it worse.I want to make this man fall out of limerence with me without realising it! Hopefully before he tries to make me aware of his feelings. If I tell him I am not his ideal woman, I don't think he will believe me and just think I am being modest. I swear I would happy get people to tell him false rumors about me in order to be turned off and to return him to reality.Please give me your thoughts on how to help this man help himself!
View related questions:
at work, drunk, fell in love Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2009): well i have learnt a new word today. and you are hypersensitive to "limerence" and therefore probably see it everywhere. think he just wanted a shag at the do. Then feels guilty for doing that...realised he can potnetially shag other people and therefore does the right thing by wife.
Its generally whats happens when you mix people with alcohol and sunsets.
Hugs star.x.
|
