A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:im 19 and my boyfriend is 20. i've been dating the most amazing person for the last 4 months, even though it seems like much much longer to us. I lost my virginity to him, he has had a few sexual partners before myself however. The thing is, i heard from his friends girlfriend, that one of his old 'friends with benefits' is absolutely amazing in bed, and is that girl that 'every guy has to sleep with because she knows all the moves and is amazing in bed' I was drunk when i heard this information, and a little bit taken aback. I felt really insecure, and topped off with being drunk, emotionally unstable. I told my boyfriend that i didnt even know he slept with her, and that i was feeling insecure because of how amazing her sex is. He pretty much confirmed my fear that i'm not as good in bed as she is, but im the only person he wants to have sex with. Now all i can think about next time me and my man get intimate is that im not going to be as good as her. I love him so much and i want to blow his mind and make him feel loved and special. When i think about it... it's always been me that says 'that was amazing' and i always let him know hes beyond satisfied me, yet i havent heard that from him. I want him to say "that was amazing" etc etc. he only tells me i feel amazing cause im so tight, especially compared to the previous girls. But if i wasnt tight, i would be totally terrible at sex. I dont want to be, i ask him what i can do to give him the most pleasure, or what positions he wants to do, and he said he doesnt care. Just once i would like to be amazing in bed, and make him go "wow" Is their any tips or suggestions anyone could give me to give him an amazing sexual experience? new positions to try or peticular things i can do to make myself better in bed?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much everyone for the advice and opinions, means alot!
A
male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (17 September 2011):
 Oh dear... this isn't the first time you've posted this... You've gotten some great advice here, I'm just concerned that you're doing this all just to hear him say that you're amazing in bed.
Frankly if he's dumb enough to tell you that she's better in bed than you are, then he's dumb enough to not grasp what it is that you ultimately want him to say to alleviate your insecurity.
Either he's dumb for saying that or he's some kind of super genius who knew that you'd become obsessed with trying to blow his mind in bed...
Not sure whether to slap him or salute him.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (17 September 2011):
 Your boyfriend is a dickhead. Tell him I said that. What man goes and tells his girlfriend she's not good in bed, or that the only reason she's good is because she's tight? Total moron. But I'll leave room for doubt, maybe he's just ignorant and doesn't understand how upsetting and totally disrespectful it is to you.
.. I'm actually unsure if I want to tell you how to be great in bed knowing you'll use the tricks only to blow his mind away when, quite frankly, he's done nothing to deserve extra treats in the bedroom....
But anyway, you asked, so I'll tell you. Just promise me first that you will not take things up a notch just to "prove" something to him. What he said was disrespectful, and what he deserves for that comment is no sex for a great amount of time. He certainly does not deserve mindblowing sex! Ok? Talk to your boyfriend first about what a horrible thing that was of him to say, EVEN IF YOU ASKED. He should know better. Imagine if you told him he has a small penis that did you no good... it'd be just the same.
So, how to be great in bed. I'm great in bed. And I've been with guys who were mediocre in bed, or amazing in bed, or right out lousy. So I think I know the answer to this one. The one trick you need to learn.. that will make you amazing in bed...:
You need to enjoy it. That's right. If YOU have an absolutely mind blowing great time at it, and do everything YOU enjoy doing, for YOUR OWN pleasure, and completely SCREW what anyone would think (after all, who's to judge??), and completely enjoy every little bit of what you are doing... Then you are great in bed. I found that my man has most pleasure when I am having pleasure. Enjoying yourself in bed is sexy. Showing no limitations, no holding back, is sexy. Taking control, being active, and showing please, is sexy! Also, when you have his penis inside you, I noticed that when you feel great, if you move a certain way to feel his penis better FOR YOURSELF, the side effect is that he will feel YOU better as well.
That's the trick to being good in bed. Another trick for a loving and long lasting sex life, where your partner will feel included and loved (contra to just getting shagged amazingly), is to sincerely take pleasure in pleasuring your partner. Once you notice his likes and dislikes, notice the things he loves that you do (even if they aren't your personal favourites, but never do anything you DISLIKE), you can do these things for him to make him feel loved and special, take care of, and to be a giver in the bedroom. A great lover (contra to just a great shag, understand the difference), is someone who gives in the bedroom, and clearly ENJOYS the giving.
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Just promise me, like I asked before, that you do not reward his horrible behaviour towards you with "improving" or try to "prove" anything to him. I know you can be great in bed, and the ONLY reason he doesn't think you are is because he hasn't been the one to bring it out of you. I suspect this is because he is immature (which is proven by his comment) and selfish in bed. He is a bad lover. Because when YOU don't enjoy yourself, you aren't good in bed. And he hasn't been able to pleasure you this way, and make you relax, due to his own lackings in the bedroom. He didn't teach you. He doesn't deserve to be treated anything more special in the bedroom until he steps it up himself.
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A
female
reader, KittieS  +, writes (17 September 2011):
 Firstly I have to agree with spanner, some good honest opinions there.But I also think it's incredibly in sensitive of your partner to "confirm" she was better, but he has tried to reasure you by saying he only wants to have sex with you and that's a very good thing.Your still in the early stages of finding out what sex is all about FOR you, and with a little experimentation and him being understanding of you and you of him your soon learn how to rock each others worlds, try new things dare to give it ago and if it all goes wrong, just laugh and try something else! Try different positions, reverse cow girl is a great one (you on top of him facing his feet - they love it, like doggy without the work on their part) just be yourself.And remember there is nothing like having sex with someone where there is a real emotional connection and believe me men do crave this as much as us ladies. Forget this other woman, who cares about what she did or didn't do (as a lady in her thirties if I worried about what other girls did Id be a mess) - he is with you now and you have a whole lot of fun waiting for you around the corner!!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (17 September 2011):
 First of all I would say a man concerns more that his woman is happy in bed. All that fantasy moves is just a bonus. A woman who is perfect in any aspect would make a man feel insecure, sometimes inadequate. Also, a man is not as vocal in bed. He might be enjoying himself a lot, and you don't know it.
Blow jobs and swallowing, anal sex, and feeling excited about everything. But it won't mean little if you don't really enjoy any of the above and you are just doing it to please him. More important is that you are doing things that are unique to you two, and you are not trying to copy some other person. There are many aspects in sexuality. It's good when it's spontaneous and unpredictable. You don't want to do things that remind him of the other girl. You should grow together in intimacy and find things that work best between you two. It's not about catching up, or meeting standards, it's about doing the best for each other.
When he said you are not as good in bed, maybe he is stating a fact, that you are not as experienced. What he didn't know was that it came out as quite an insensitive statement. He needs to make it up for you by making you feel special, and not just that you are tight down there.
Good sex can only keep a man for so long. You need to have inner qualities as well. For this you need to post another question on how to emotionally connect with a man. He might not even be the right guy for this.
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A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (17 September 2011):
 Sex is about connection. The best sex you can have with someone is when you're both focused entirely on each other and not all the other BS that is floating around in the mix.
Do your best not to worry about his past partners. One suggestion would be to ask him to tell you what he wants. Tell him you want to learn how to please him to the best of your ability, and ask him to guide you a couple of times.
I'll tell you this, the best sex I've ever had has been with partners who are willing to openly communicate during sex. Be it giving a little bit of guidance here and there to explicit instructions about what they want. He'll never be a good lover to you if he keeps that same attitude in bed. At least in my opinion. If a couple is mature enough to be having sex, they need to be mature enough to openly discuss it as well.
If that's too much for you, then I'd suggest this. Focus on yourself. Take charge in bed and do your best to get into the moment and get yourself off. Don't care about him, and you may be surprised. It can be incredibly exciting for a man when a woman takes what she wants from him. ;-)
Above all else though, you need to work on communication. Good luck!
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