A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my ex-lover Steve broke up almost a 1 year 6 months ago. Since then I have tried so hard to move on and get on with my life but I am finding it really difficult. I hate to admit but there is still a part of me that loves and cares for Steve even though we haven’t seen each other since we split. I recently got back with my husband John 6 months ago to give things another go and try and make things work again, and hoping this will help me move on. Me and John just don't seem to be getting on so well and I am still finding it hard to move on from Steve. I miss him alot. Steve was like my soul mate, we connected really well and understood each other. I never knew why Steve split up with me, but I guess it was because his father sadly passed away and he was finding it very hard to deal with and became very distant from the people around him. Steve will always have a place in my heart. We both went through alot together and share alot of good memories aswel as bad, he changed my life and taught me alot of things. I am trying so hard to make things work with my husband John and move on, but we just keep arguing. I know John loves me alot but why am I finding it so hard to love him back the way he loves me? I know the chances of me and Steve getting back together again are really low but why am I feeling like this? I just want to move on and make things work with my husband John.
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male
reader, PeterPan  +, writes (24 February 2010):
 OK, the first thing I noticed was that you and Steve didn't seem to have any kind of clear break from each other... you implied it just fizzled out for one reason or another. I'm suspecting it's that reason that keeps him floating in and out of your mind... that and it seems that you and your husband are having "issues" still and the wonderful experience and ease you had with Steve starts to reply in your mind.
In a perfect world, it seems that you and Steve need some concrete closure on what happened to drive you two apart. I don't know if it's possible that you can get an answer from him directly (and if you're trying to repair your marriage, it might not be advisable to seek him out now anyway), so the task of closure might be completely left to you, in your mind. I read in the book "Eat, Pray, Love" (by Elizabeth Gilbert -- interesting book, but I digress), she wanted to have some closure with her ex-husband, but there was no way that they could meet face-to-face. So, she imagined a conversation with him and resolved the closure solo... just a suggestion... anyway, it is some kind of closure that you need.
Next, I would recommend that if you and your husband are serious about a reconciliation, then you should do something about it... like seek a marriage councilor or some kind of third party to help you guys sort out the issues. It can't hurt, right?
A
female
reader, Indianchic +, writes (24 February 2010):
You dont to want make this marraige work , you want Steve back, fair enough , you are married, is Steve married too ? if he is not what kind of security are you providing him with ? why would he waste his time with a married woman ? Once you know the answer to this question you can then take the next step.
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