A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,I really need some help,I had a terrible relationship with my mother when I was growing up. She constantly put me down and was often violent to me, she locked me under the stairs, but not my brothers.I suffered with asma and eczma really badly, so i can understand I was hard to live with. I was constantly in hospital or at the doctors.My mum had 2 breakdowns when I was growing up, for which I was blamed.I had a fantastic relationship with my dad, who did his best to protect me.I have never been able to hold down relationships permenatly, because I feel so insecure, with men.I have Two lovely grown up kids, who are really supportive and very understanding. I never stop telling them how wonderfull they are. I wanted them to grow up feeling secure about themselves.I have a partner now, who does his best to make me feel good. And is mostly very understanding.My problem is my dad, he is getting old (76), and he isnt well. I really dont know how to handle things. I cant cope with the thought of him not being around, and protecting me.(he is the only man that never let me down).The other problem is my mum, I tell her not to worry and I will take care for her, but really I find it hard not to think (why was you so horrible to me).I cant talk to her about it, she keeps asking me if I was happy when I was young. I just cant say "no I wasnt, and you know that". For fear of upsetting my dad.I cant stop crying and I am taking it out on my partner.I love my mum and i do try to forgive her, but i just wish she would admit what she put me through.My mates always knew I was beaten, and were scared of my mum. But I always protected her, and made excuses for the way she behaved towards me.Is this normal to feel like this after so long?Thanks anyone that can help
View related questions:
insecure, violent Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for all the kind words, I will do my best to tresure every moment I have left with my dad. To me he is the greatest man alive. I should stop feeling so sorry for myself, and get on with life. After all there are loads worse off than me. XXXX thank you again
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2007): your parents are getting older right....OH MY GOD I LOVE MY DAD TOO MORE THAN WORDS CAN SAY, like you...
and thats great. yes your dad may be getting old and not be well but clap your hands... he is pretty darn old and has had a wonderful life loving you. hes a little treasure. yes thats it, he is so darn lovely you never want him to go. but know this, hes lived well. hes at a good age i tell you. you just gotta love him and what hes done, but you know what... like all of everyone of us theres a time you have to let go. parents have to let there kids go when they see them wed.... and kids have to let there parents go because they ARE older and ..... thats the way it goes. its they way its suppose to be. god, if you believe in him or not, who cares... whatever or whoever is the creater meant for it to be that way. parents will die before there kids...if of course something really tragic happens before. i say this knowing that if it were me in your shoes, id be absolutely crushed.... BUT YOU CANNOT be like that. its a cycle of life. i had silkworms as a child, and was so upset cos the moths died so quickly.... but thats the wat it is. your dad may be ill, and that may be it.. hes ill. he may have years left... you may have days though.... its like that... just be happy. your dads alive and well, my friends dad died in a heart transplant op when he was 30 years old... that a bit sh*tty now. 76, brilliant.
As for your mom.... can you not see... shes apologised already. Her asking you if you were happy as a child is her saying shes sorry for being a cow. i ask my partner if hes happy, when i feel he is not happy. your mom is apologising to you. and if you feel you need to mention ,hey but mom you were really a cow to me..... do it. she knows you want to mention it.. and you feel the need to ask... so bring it up. it doesnt have to be arguementative, nothing like that at all. but bring it up, it will put you both at ease...even if its just mom, i felt you were so nasty to me, and her reply is, im sorry i may have been hard on you blah blah....get it out in the open, and tell your dad too. seriously, lifes too short, speak your mind and do your forgiving and discussing before its too late.
...............................
A
female
reader, BEEN THERE DONE IT +, writes (27 February 2007):
 Yes darling it is so so so normal to feel like this after all these years...You blame yourself for the way your mum treated you and what you really have to remember you was a child your mum was the adult...
You was the only daughter and was a bit of a daddies girl think your mum may have been jealous of this relationship, seeing as your mum treated your brothers so different?
You have turned this all around in your family and have given your children all the love that they deserve so well done babe I am sure they love you to bits....
I don't know if your mum will ever admit what she did, and what would that prove anyway..., you will always have that hurt because all you crave deep inside is a mothers love which you haven't had, please don't let your mum still control you and ruin what you have ,you was a child you were defenceless but your a woman in your own right now and you do have control...
I understand you always protected your mum because at the end of the day no matter what, she was your mum and she was going to get better and love you like your brothers one day wasn't she?
But she never did, maybe she does feel guilty but doesn't know how or what to say, I really don't know that answer love, but focus on what you have now its made you a better tender person so you have her to thank for that(I should know), Try to forgive her in your own way, it will never leave you memories never does but it will help to ease your pain...
Your dad has always loved you but the fear of him not being around to protect you is down to your past, Your away from that environment now don't let it continue, you have your husband to love and protect you now,
There are no real answers only that it was not your fault xx
My heart really goes out to you darling just give love in life and it always comes back ten fold xxx
Take good care of yourself let me know how you get on please xx
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2007): it is heartbreaking the bad childhood that you had but you have to forgive and forget and if problems get worse with your partner sit down and have a talk to him ask him what he thinks and what he would do you can't keep a grudge on your mum if she is that bad she will die soon
...............................
|
