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female
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anonymous
writes: I kinda talked to this guy for about 3 months and then we ended up sleeping together and I actually took his virginity. Well we messed around a few more times, the problem is I have lost interest in him, but he hasn't in me. He is completely infatuated with me, but I don't feel the same anymore. He wants a relationship I am not ready for and not willing to give. We are no longer hooking up because I dont want to hurt him, but I can no longer lead him on anymore because he is going to get hurt. How do I gently break it to him I am not into him the same way and still preserve a friendship? Please help. I actually care about his feelings and want him to be happy. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2008): Hey, this can be a very difficult decision process. & I'm also in the same position , but it needs to be done some how, and some way that he won't be hurt. Because he was your first, he's probably a little infatuated more then usual. You just need to break it to him nicely , that you had an amazing time while it lasted but you're not ready for a serious relationship with him. He should be okay with it.. if not there's really nothing you can do .. you can't help your feelings
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2007): It's a hard situation, but you have to be straight with him. Stop showing signs that you're interested, but don't be too distant because then he might think he's done something wrong. I'm in a situation like that right now, and it's tough, because I don't want him to get hurt. If you're not interested though, you have to let him know that. You don't want to lead him on because he will only think its more serious between you two.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2007): Ending a relationship can be even harder than starting one. Don’t listen to your friends if they want you to break up. They can just be jealous or not like the person you chose to date. Either way it is not there decision, so don’t listen. If you feel like you don’t like the person just tell them, don’t beat around the bush. The longer you stay with them the harder it will be. And remember be gentle, even if this person hurt you in the worse way you should be the better person when breaking up. If he begs you not to leave him be careful. The situation could become dangerous.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2007): i'm in the same situation eccept he wants to have sex and i do too but i'm not willing to have a relationship with him. I think you should tell him how you feel and if he respects and care about he should understand.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2007): gurl just tell him straight up. if he respects ur request that u want to break up, great, if he dont then he really aint worth it if he dont respect u. good luck.
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female
reader, XxFitKittenxX +, writes (22 November 2005):
just talk to him and if he feels that he needs someone different then your fine. if he finds you irreplacable, then you have a small problem. just tell him you wanna BREAK from your relationship. your young and you want to experiment and you just dont wanna be tied down all the time. get out there and find more lads to get wit just make sure they aint virgins.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2005): It's really hard to be friends with someone your going to break up with, unless the decision is mutual.You have to be honest with this him and let him down gently, tell him you,ve had a great time with him but you feel things are getting too serious, and your not ready for that sort of relationship.He is probably infatuated with you because you were his first and he,s never experienced feelings like this before, tell him you want to be friends but if this is going to be hard for him you will have to keep your distance.He will get over this in time, and hopefully in years to come he will remember you for the special time you spent together. hope it goes well lyndsey
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2005): The previous reader gives very insightful, good advice. There is no real easy way to break up but no matter how you do it, or what you say. If you are completely honest with yourself and your bf, you both will be able to move on and grow from your experience. Be honest, but make sure you don't damage his ego either. Make it clear to them that the relationship isn't working for you both because you expect different things from the relationship. Take extra care in your choice of wording, but never lie. Do 'not' go down the anger route. Blaming yourself or someone else for the demise of your relationship will only make it harder to for him to move on-bitterness and hurt never fades, and it's hard to get rid off once you it begins to fester. Try and remember the good times. Its very hard to look at things positively-but stay on the positive track, as positivity breeds positivity! Know that you did your best, and for some reason, whatever it may be, things just didnt work out, and you both have no choice but to accept that. You have to try and get on with your life, let the future happen, and see where life takes you and he has to, as well. Good luck dear...breaking up is never easy
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female
reader, babyjessieb +, writes (3 November 2005):
Break it as easily and kindly as possible. Don't be affraid to be firm with your decision though. My mistake was lettin my ex make me feel bad about dumpin him. I walked on eggshells, lied and deceived myself for a year cause he wouldn't take no for an answer. If you do not want to be with this guy tell him, sugar coat it if u must. Just make him understand why your dumpin him, and if its his fault tell him what when wrong. "We moved to fast, I'm so not ready for this." You may not be able to preserve the friendship right away, but if he cares about u as much as he thinks he does..he'll get over you and find someone else he can smother. Take it easy girl. Good luck! ^-^
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2005): If you care about his feelings, be direct to him. Tell him you no longer feel for him what you thought you did, and want to end the relationship. He is going to be hurt, only because of his own expectations. But, if you are honest, and don't beat around the bush, he will understand, and after an initial period of grief, will admire you for being so direct. Do it quietly, when you are alone with him. Thank him and tell him you will remember him always, so that his ego is left somewhat intact. And then walk away. Don't avoid his gaze, or pretend he is not there if you meet in the future. Wish him well, and always take the time to ask how he is doing, and share the latest about your life with him, if he asks. Be nice. But, honestly tell him that you don't want to continue the relationship. If you know why not, then tell him that, too, but only if he asks.
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