A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a bit of slump, again. Been with this guy for awhile now. He told me upfront that he was depressed from the start but i went straight to it without knowing what i've gotten myself into. I was 17 back then.He gave me a sweet memory at the beginning, but then it turned out to be a series of on and off. Him calling it quits and only to come back after. It hit me the hardest when he got involved with another girl. He left things hanging on our end and all i got from asking him straight up was that i was putting him in a difficult position. I left that as it was.Then it happened again. He got himself in a bad place while things started to pick up for me. Bumped into him and we became fast friends. That was till he took off again. And till now, i never got to understand what's been happening. I didn't get a say in it, his word was final and that was it. Said it probably isn't a good idea if we continue seeing each other. That he can't act as though nothing happened between us. He had to add the part where he felt he should tell me all that for old time's sake, playing the good guy card till the end.It was hard on me, it still is. Because for the longest time i thought i was to blame, did i do something wrong? What more things got better for him by then too. So that hit me hard.It has been 5 years of this and i'd say it's time to put an end to all of this nonsense. Looking back, i think i was in over my head. It seems like i was dealing with a borderline case on my hands. What more he stopped going for therapy and taking his meds for his depression. And we never brought it up since then.You can say i'm "hungover" this guy. To me, i find it hard to throw all that has happened between us, good or bad aside. I do know better now. But i feel like it has taken a toll on me. He used to tell me what's good for me and what's not and i'll do as he says, to not get him upset at the slighest thing. And with the whole emotional roller coaster ride. I really want to leave all this all behind. And not relive it in my head which holds me back from the now. Doing things for me, things that i want to try out..My question is how should i go about doing that? To let all that has happened go, moving forward and not let it get in the way of me being the curious one that gets to explore.Thank you for reading.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2018): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your reply janniepeg.We go to the same school and we did many things together outside of school. That made it easy for us to bump into each other before and repeat the unstable on and off part of it. It was harder for me to untangle myself from him too as i was reminded of him a lot.Now that it's time for me to graduate, many things are unfamiliar and seemingly scary, making me want to hold on to what is familiar. Him and the good times. And when i think back about me being on the receiving end of his abandonment and my feelings getting hurt, it affects me deeply and cause me to stay in my comfort zone.I'm making an effort to not catch up on his life on social media and to put myself out there more. I am also open to dating other guys but what i'm afraid most is that i'll fall back into thinking i'll never get past this and end up letting this get in the way of my new chapter.Feel that i'll always have a soft spot for him and it's just like me to lend a hand to someone in need. And this time, i'd really want to stick through with leaving this behind and moving forward. Am i on the right track to that?Appreciate the help!
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 June 2018):
 Are you saying you want to date others, and pauses because you think the what ifs with your ex? He's an addiction for you. Normally he's someone that girls would try hardest to avoid but for you, you have trouble leaving him behind because he had qualities you are attracted to. It makes you question your decisions picking out guys. Did you see your ex again or does he go to the same school? Do you track him on social media?
To let go of something, you have to make a firm decision and stick to it. Then you sever the energetic cord between you and that person. You can do that mentally. You can do a ritual to release. It can be burning sweet grass, going to a sweat lodge, hot spa or saying a prayer. You can do a visualization of burying a period of your life in a grave, say 17-21. After this you should feel a refreshment and reborn again.
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