A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am in love with this man. I know I am, but I don't think at this present moment it is the best time to tell him. Just recently his mother died.I don't think I should be telling him that I do because there is a bit of an age gap and at the moment he isn't thinking straight. I think me dropping something on him like that when I am not totally sure of his own feelings would be just confusing for the both of us.I have been there for him as a friend, though he is one of those men who won't ask for help and you have to interfere yourself, which then makes you feel nosey.Now he is alone, he has some family left but he doesn't get on with them. I was first friends with his mum, from a job I do, so I was more her friend first, then grew to be his too.But because I know what he is like, there is a chance after the funeral we will also lose touch. I wouldn't want to lose touch with him, for the obvious reasons, but I don't think he has it in him to keep in touch, which is another reason why I am reluctant to say anything.I know he likes me, but I don't know how deep it goes. When his mum was alive, over a period of years we went from being nasty with one another, to finding out we had things in common, to bantering, then suddenly to small touches on the back or arm and brushing up against me, just small gestures like that. Then there are the things he says when I think he could like me whenever he says things about older men. He said a couple of days back when I was helping him shift a few belongings, and the TV was on in the background about a band of famous men 'Yeh look at them but they are to old for you aren't they' and I didn't know what to say, because obviously, there he was, my feelings running deep for him, and then it was foot in mouth time because I said, and I always seem to do it in front of him, despite it being the opposite, 'They aren't that old.' when I wanted to say 'I prefer you and you are older'Oh I don't know what to do at all. Even if he is older, nearly 25 years older, we have the same sense of humour and as I said above we have a lot in common and can hold a decent conversation.And of course there is the recent bereavement to take into account.Do I say anything and risk losing touch, or just keep quiet?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): Thank you for your good advice.
I went to his house today to see how he was doing and i told him how i felt about him. I didn't say i loved him, just that i'd like to see how things go between us and he has decided we should take it slow cos he is still wrapped up in sorting things out after his mothers demise.
I feel very happy at this moment in time. I would never have said anything and losing him would have been intolerable.
So yes, thank you x
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 January 2011):
 You are both adults in which case you should never let something like age stop you in expressing how you feel. I understand that you are concerned as his mother has just passed away but if am honest i think most men would be flattered to be told that someone likes them. It may also take his mind of grieving even if it is only for a short time it will give him something else to think about and something else to concentrate on.
My honest opinion is to tell him how you feel before he disappears out of the picture. Just be light with him and tell him that you really like him and would like to see if anything can happen but that you respect he is going through a hard time and that you will give him space to think if that is what he needs. Just look at it this way hunny you have nothing to lose and so much to gain by telling him. It sounds to me like he is a person that keeps himself to himself and doesnt like to bother other people therefore if he likes you he is probably not going to tell you its probably better if you tell him and get the ball rolling. If he does like you he also probably doesnt want to tell you because he is older than you and it could freak you out. Therefore yeah my advice would be to go for it and see what happens there is nothing to lose. You go for it girl and goodluck.
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