A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been talking to my ex-boyfriend of 28 years ago. Out of the blue he called me when he wsa in the Bay Area and we found out that we both still have feelings for each other but I am married and want to leave my husband. I have from time to time wanted to leave my husband, he is not a good influence on me he drinks, does drugs and belittles me. My ex lives in Arizona and is the sweatest person and and I want to sell my house (which is in my name and not my husband's) and move to Arizona to be with my ex we get along great and can talk about anything. My question is how do I rid myself of my present husband gently. He offers me no support financially, emotionally, etc. I am tired of paying for everything. We have 5 wonderful children together which are mostly grown except the last two which are 13 and 14. My ex said there would be no problem to bring them with me. What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks again for your input. My children's (2) will be changed somewhat I know that.
Throughout the years they have not really liked their father who uses them as his personal slaves. I know it is a big change, but I was constantly thinking of a move anyway and I do not plan to live with this man (maybe temporary) I plan to buy my own home in Arizona, which by the way is cheap right now. I also plan to bring my job with me which is working for an attorney, my kids aren't doing very well in San Francisco, I have one who flunked out the entire 9th grade and he gets high with his friends, etc. He needs to get away from SF and the other one is my youngest and he will go where I go.
So yes, I think it will be a hughe change but they really do not have a choice.
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (29 July 2008):
 Taking your kids to live with a stranger is totally irresponsible. Re-think that choice. You will be turning their lives upside down.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would like to thank everyone for thier thoughts. The house is actually in my brother's name and I am joint tenant on the house he lives in and my husband has to right to either house per probate law. Secondly, I am going a bit fast because I am desparate to get away. I will give my kids the choice of going with me or staying with their dad and I probably will have to pay child support or something. I am pretty sure they will go with me. My eldest son may possibly stay at my house with a few friends and they will all go in on rent to pay the mortgage.
In talking on the phone we are both very honest and are catching up on each other's life. Again, this was a boyfriend in highschool (which is usually your best friend at that age). We still can easily talk to each other. I asked him and he offered to take in me and my kids. I may not do that I am going in Sept. to see how things are down there I have never been there, etc.
I have been wanting to leave SF and now's my chance. But I will not rush into things.
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (28 July 2008):
First of all, take a breath. Your ex has absolutely no business deciding where your kids should live. I'd bet your husband does have some rights to the house too. You say you've been talking to your ex. The truth is, you don't even know him anymore and you're chasing a memory.
You're jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire. Why don't you take things ones step at a time? Try to fix your marriage. It that doesn't work, split up and divide the assets. Then consider other men. You call your husband many things and I can understand your line of thinking. You though are committing adultery and that isn't such a good thing either.
Do things properly and try to maintain some integrity.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2008): Divorce him-something you should have done a long time ago if he makes you that miserable. Why would you marry a drug addict, alcoholic to begin with? Truth of the matter is that there is no gentle way of doing it. Just try having a calm talk with him about the situation as well as your children so that they can understand better.
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A
female
reader, cloudnine-andbeyond  +, writes (28 July 2008):
 well i am going to take ur childrens perspective on this, even though your current husband does all of these terrible things i'm sure they love him. but his lifstyle does not sound like its the best environment to bring up children especially at the impressionable age of 13 and 14 (dont forget they will have peer preasure at school with alcohol at least) it might be better for your children, just make sure they get to see their father regulary.
and make sure you love your ex
hope this helped a bit
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