A
female
age
36-40,
*essedUp4Ever
writes:Hi everyone just want some advice. I've been with this guy for 3yrs now. We live together but there is alot of problems. I have notice that he doesn't treat me as nice as he treats others around him. He is always grumpy with me. Never smiles or says anything nice. We never go out anywhere. Not even for my birthday. But if it was for anyone else and I mean even random ppl he would do anything. We don't even sleep on the same bed. I have tried talking to him but every time I do he falls asleep even if I were to be crying. The sad thing is I do everything make his lunch for work, clean, etc. I even pay the bills with my work money. What do I do. I want to leave him but so much is at stake.
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female
reader, *problems*  +, writes (8 August 2011):
 I would definetly leave, a guy like this don't deserve a girl like you! He's taking you for granted!! Tell hime that you have had enough of his selfish behaviour and that you desrve to be treated with respect,ask him why he is being like this? maybe if you did leave it would make him see how he is being towards you, don't take no more of this though , stand your ground, you sound like a lovely helpfull person don't let someone like that bring you down!! Hope it works out for ya :) xx
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (8 August 2011):
 I agree, what's at stake? Well certainly your happiness IF YOU STAY. Looks to me that it's time to move out and up.
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (8 August 2011):
 so much is at stake? you get nothing out of this relationship, put loads in and you worry about what you are going to lose?
what you have is not a relationship, its a one sided situation where you are used as a slave and provider.
move on. you haven't mentioned one nice thing he does for you or any actions that would signal respect or affection.
why are you still with him and supporting him?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2011): I am wondering what do you think is at stake? What do you get out of him being there? There must be something or he wouldn't be there, figure that out and then work out if it is worth it.
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A
female
reader, 1on1 +, writes (8 August 2011):
What exactly is at stake?
I also went thou this with my last BF and we tried to work it out so many times...He was also unsatisfied with his job life etc....
Do yourself a favour, tell him how you feel and if he doesn't respond get out do not waste any more time with him you will just feel worse...and more will be at stake.
Couples fall in and out of love...
You need to tell him what you want from your relationship and how you want him to make you feel.
Also find out from him what it is he wants and needs.
I did everything from waking up 45 mins early to wake him up-to making him dinner...when I stated what i needed from him he would deliver for a bit then go back to being an unavailable unemotional uncommunicative rock at the first sign of trouble he would dip out- after almost 10 years of trying it finally ended I wish i ended it sooner! there would have been less heartache on my part and his. Don't let that happen to you. Figure out exactly what you want and need then ask him for it. (Guys don't know how to express emotion like women do so it could just be that you are not telling him what you need.) once you sort that out tell him and ask him to give you what you need.
More quality time(a date night once a week) be specific and see if he steps it up if he does not then leave!
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (8 August 2011):
Hi there. Has he suddenly changed, or has it happened gradually over the 3 years?
Is he happy at his place of work? Perhaps he hates his job or his job security is in jeopardy.
There could be many different things.
Perhaps it's something like he works long hours, and is becoming bored with his life. He might feel that his life is all work and not much else. I'm talking about a work / life imbalance.
Does he ever go out with his mates? It might help him if he did, to have some "Me Time".
You don't always have to be together. It's good for both of you to pursue your own hobbies and interests. It's also very important to have your own friends.
It sounds like something is definitely on his mind, otherwise he wouldn't be grumpy and moody. There's a cause, for sure.
Sometimes in relationships, people don't feel appreciated in the way they like to be appreciated.
Perhaps you do too much for him. It's ok making his lunch, cleaning etc., but do you think that he does nice things for you too, in return?
Your love language is "Acts of Service", which means doing nice things for him.
There are 5 love languages that we all commonly use with our loved ones.
(1) Words of affirmation.
(2) Acts of service.
(3) Quality time.
(4) Receiving gifts.
(5) Physical touch.
These 5 love languages are the usual ways we show our love and appreciation of our partners and loved ones.
Perhaps you don't read his love language, or you don't know his love language.
If you are not using it, he will feel a bit underappreciated quite possibly.
If you aren't sure which of the above 5, his love language is, well then look at what you fight about.
If he ever complains to you and it results in a fight, the next time it happens, take a close note of what he is complaining about.
For instance - "You never do this (whatever it is)," and see if you can begin using his love language from that point on.
If he doesn't complain like above, that you don't do something, well then watch him closely from now on and see how he shows you that he loves and cares about you. There must be some things that he pretty regularly does for you or something that he says. It's a clue for you, anyway.
This might be a part of the problem.
Another thing is, maybe you don't go out together and have fun anymore. That can be changed, and it doesn't have to cost much money.
Just do something fun together to break the monotony.
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