A
female
age
36-40,
*eed advise
writes:Me and my husband have been married for 4 years. We have 2 boys, 5 years and 1 year. The last year have been crazy, we fight ALL the time and his verbally abusive. I think it's time to get out but I have no money and no place to go. I've been a housewife for just over 4 years. He said if I leave he will take the children because he has the money to give them a good life and a big house. I will work hard and won't be able to provide like he does. I can't live without my children. What can I do?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (17 September 2012):
 Not sure where you live but I can tell you in the USA if a mother wants custody and she's not in prison and has not killed someone and is not selling her kids, she's probably going to get custody...even with mental illness, or drug abuse... it's crazy but they favor the moms
and then a court order will make him provide child support for his kids
and if you were a SAHM until you can get on your feet you can probably get SOME alimony... (I did but it was over 20 years ago and my husband was a good man who knew that taking care of the mommy meant his kids were taken care of)
I agree with the other posters..
look for a job
see a lawyer
and contact a local women's shelter... if you are being emotionally abused then they can offer help... you can take the kids and go when he's at work... he comes home to a note and no way to contact you....
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 September 2012):
 So what you need to do is start saving up, find a job, get your ducks in a row. Having a big house doesn't mean he will automatically get the children.
Since you haven't worked in the 4 years of marriage, it is likely that your husband will have to pay you spousal support for 6-12 months + child support.
I would however start looking for a job, even IF he has to pay spousal support it will only be for a short period (as in either while you two are separating til the divorce is final or like I mentioned 6-12 months since you marriage has only "lasted" 4 years.
It's time to rally for yourself and your children. I do think if you leave without the kids chances are he will have an easier case of getting custody. Hence why you need to find a way to be independent. Do you have no family that can take you and the boys in?
And I'm sorry you are in this situation.
I would also look into finding a lawyer.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2012): First of all, without telling him, I would go and see a solicitor to find out what (if any because he has all the resources to give them what they need) your options are, and how to proceed with this.
I know this is an unfair situation, but at the same time you can't be expected to be with someone you're no longer happy with, and not to mention the affect all the animosity will have on the children.
I'm sorry I can't really give you any better advice than this as I've never been in this situation, but I guess that's my opinion of the situation.
Good luck.
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