A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello Everyone..I need urgent help regarding this question...I broke up with a guy after being in a relationship for six years..This changed my life.. i became very careless regarding love and lusted for every single guy i knew..I started dating a guy who was very loyal to me..he treated me like his princess..loved me like never before but i dint take him serious initially..i slept with four different guys while i was dating him..he was blindly in love with me and never knew about my flaws..Gradually..i truly fell in love with him..And right now both of us are INSEPERABLE...i look forward to marry him but my past makes me feel very guilty..I dont know whether i should confess or forget the past..Plz advice..Shall i tell him the truth regarding the four guys with whom i slept or hide this dirty stuff from him forever?? I fear losing him if i tell him but cant even keep inside this guilt..what should i do?? Please help.. P.S: I am no longer in contact with the four guys..all of them were mere flings/one night stands.
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male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (18 September 2012):
OP you don't need to be punished though if you tell him you would be forever by his sadness and what you will lose - maybe everything. Ignore the meaningless idea that you are "building a future on lies". You are who you are now and that is what you build on. You will forget but every now and then some guilt feelings will crop up. Use this to remind youself how good you life is now and feel lucky and thankful that you got past that phase of your life.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI told him...not completely but i did confess that i cheated on him and he was upset but after a long discussion he has forgiven me..and yes am very happy relieved now..thanx a lot guys...love u all..:) And i promise..i wil be a good girlfriend this time..:)
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female
reader, Kay-Way  +, writes (17 September 2012):
 Exactly what iAmHereToHelpYou has said. Your current boyfriend needs to know the things that you have done while you were with him. If you truly believe that you have changed then there is no need to tell your future husband about your mistakes in a relationship that has nothing to do with him.
It will be hard to tell your boyfriend, and I really hope that he does forgive you and you lead a very happy life together. Unfortunately though, life isn't that simple.
If you do decide to tell him, just tell him that at the beginning of your relationship you didn't feel like it was serious but now you realise what you did was wrong and you have to convince and prove to him that you have changed. At first he will probably be mad, shocked and speechless but it really is the best... for both of you.
Trust me, the guilt alone will kill you.
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A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (17 September 2012):
I don't think we can answer whether you have to tell him or not. You have to make up your mind about it. Most probably you will never become less guilty with the time, but more. And it's obvious he will dump you as soon as you tell him what you did. (Four guys, I can believe it).
But there is a good chance he will end up knowing this. And, from that point of view, it's better sooner than later. Don't you think his best friend could tell him? I mean, if he is a friend for real, he should be feeling guilty too.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@KAyWay... Your answer was quite thoughtful,,but tell me one thing.. Imagine i have told him the truth and we break up..what is the guarantee that my future husband will cope up with this situation..?? He too will never accept me..and gradually i will end up being single till death..wot do you advice on this??
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks a lot to all the ppl who answered my question... i want to make one thing clear..I HAVE CHANGED and i will never ever cheat on him..i know that!! I am ready to confess..i will bear every punishment given by him except breaking up with me..i cant take it...i will be shattered ..i have already gone through heart break once i dont want to experience it again..its painful..
I guess he does have a hint that i cheated on him becoz i have given him clues many times..he never scolds me but i know he is upset.. he knows that to cope up with my break up i have done few silly things in the past but he doesnt know till what extent i have commiitted those blunders..i even slept with his bestfriend..i am dead scared because that friend isn't trustworthy.. what should i do? Yesterday night i was almost ready to confess but the single thought of losing him changes my mind..please help me..its killing me..
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A
female
reader, Kay-Way +, writes (17 September 2012):
If you're feeling guilty now, then that will never go away. You have to think about how this will affect him.
Put yourself in his shoes. You love him to bits and you treat him right and give him everything that he deserves but he has cheated on you with 4 different women. If you got married and then he told you about those women, how would you feel?
Would you rather be told now about those women or wait until your married with kids and then he can't cope with the guilt and then tell you - ruining how ever many years of your life you've spent together?
I can understand how you feel but at the same time I know full well what guilt does to a person. It hurts like hell knowing what you have done to him behind his back, especially since now you've fallen for him, but trust me, the guilt will only get worse the longer you leave this.
The best thing to do is just tell him and then leave him so he can be with someone who deserves him. Otherwise, if he does forgive you, the fact that you cheated will always be in the back of his mind and he will find it hard to cope when you go out with friends or go to parties.
Or like I said earlier, you don't have to tell him, but then face the guilt and eventually you will confess and it will be a lot harder for both of you to recover.
He deserves to know.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2012): No. Do not tell him! They were mistakes at an early stage in your relationship. The relationship is different now. You are different now. Perhaps you shouldn't have been dating him so early after the break-up with the first guy, but that is water under the bridge. Forgive yourself, don't burden him with this knowledge. You sound normal and stable. Live your life with this guy. Let the mistakes of the past go.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2012): I'd come clean and tell him, be honest. If you don't tell him it'll eat you up inside, and nobody wants to be living with that kind of guilt. Plus, if he somehow found out further down the line, wouldn't it be worse because you didn't come clean?
I'd tell him.
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth +, writes (17 September 2012):
 If you tell him the truth, your conscience will be clear but you'll lose him forever. Finding love isn't easy, and it's painful to lose someone you love. It would ruin his happiness too. So if I were you, I'd forget about the past and not reveal this to him, neither now nor anytime in the future. Why should your mistakes come in the way of the happiness of you two? It cannot be undone. Just be careful to never ever repeat your mistakes.
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