A
female
age
51-59,
*tillgivinthanks
writes:my b/f cheated on me with another lady, yet he wont talk to me all he told me he have with a female. but i want to know what went down. everytime he say he have to talk to me he gets emotional about it and says its hard for him to talk to me i might break down. i told him i am at a relax state cause he already told me its about a female and they have sex. i cant figure out why he wont tell me what goes down, he says he feels real guilty about it, and he gets emotional every time he want to say something to me. he even get light headed thinking about it. his chest will get heavy and all that. is this normal for a guy to cheat yet behave in this manner. he did it yet why hide? i don't get it. he told he tell me he know he did something wrong already what more do i want from him, every time i press him to tell me what went down. its like he freaks out about the situation, the last time i ask him he get so emotional about it he have to go outside to get air cause he wasn't feeling well. but he is putting stress on me cause i will like to know very much what went down. he have sex with a female, he don't want to tell me details he prefer tell me through email or over the phone, its like he cannot face me to say what happen other than to say yes he have sex with a woman. why, i cant figure it out. please help should i let him email it to me or talk over the phone (which sometimes he even get stress about) because it seem like easy way right now because i will really like to know. i cant wait until he is ready.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): "i cant figure out why he wont tell me what goes down"
Cheaters never want to discuss the details of what they have done. Those who have been cheated on almost always want to know.
I've been there, I wanted to know, just like you. My wife couldn't tell me because she'd been drinking so much.
Basically, you deserve to know everything that you want to know. If he can cheat behind your back, he should be able to own up to it face to face.
Be prepared for painful things that you won't be able to get out of your mind for a long time, if ever, but you deserve to know if you want to know. By telling, the primacy of your relationship is preserved. By not telling, the affair partner and the cheater are keeping secrets that only they know. My view, as well as that of a lot of counselors, is that no reconciliation is complete until the cheating partner answers their partners questions, at whatever level of detail that partner requests, face to face.
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