A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year now and he says he loves me and sometimes says he is in love with me and sometimes says he doesn't know or no. When he doesn't know, or says no, he says it is because I put pressure on him or he feels forced to answer the question. I say to him that it shouldn't be hard to answer whether or not he is in love with me. I don't have to think twice about the answer to being in love with him. I asked him two nights ago if he was in love with me, and his answer was 'Yes' but this took him awhile to answer. It bothered me that he had to think about it, so I brought it up again last night. I told him that I was bothered by the time it took him to respond and he reverted back to 'not being in love' with me because of how I asked him, and said if he just told me yesterday that he was, then why did I ask him again. He also says he feels like I don't trust him and that I am jealous of other girls and of his music. He said he could 'be in love with me' if I relaxed and that he is sometimes in love with me. And then on the other hand, he says he doesn’t want to be in love with anyone. He sends me so many mixed signals and tells me so many different things that I don't know what to do. He tells me he is scared by how much i love him, that he feels like I need him for me to be happy. Which isn't the case, I just like his company. He is really into music and really talented and I feel sometimes like he wants to try not to fall in love because he wants to keep himself available for girls in case he becomes famous and doesn't want to commit himself to love. I told him that I wanted to be with someone who I felt was in love with me, and if he wasn't, then I should see other people. He said no, I shouldn't see other people. He said that being in love takes time and patience. He said that if I trusted him it would be easier for him to be in love with me. I need advice as to how to proceed. I am so in love with him that I honestly can’t think of my life without him. What should I do with this relationship, give him some space, be patient, or just move on and avoid any pain?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): Men "SHOW" their love for a woman by the things that they do for her, rather than express it in words. They may occasionally voice it, but not as much as a woman would. You need to look at what he's "DONE" for you and measure his love for you by those standards. Also, when someone truly loves you, you can feel it and there's no question about it. I have a man whom I know is in love with me. He hasn't told me in words, but I can tell by the way he acts around me. He is full of life whenever I enter the room. It is a great feeling for me, and the good part is he doesn't know that I realize it. Love just radiates from him, whenever he lay eyes on me. If you have to keep asking and prompting this man to say how he feels about you, and he keeps going back and forth with his answer, chances are he doesn't love you, or he loves himself more!! He's just keeping you around until he feels someone "better" may come along. If I were you, I'd move on, I'm sorry to say! I know you love him and that's hard to do, but you may have to, to retain your sanity. Sorry I had to wright this, but unfortunately, it happens to be true!!Best of Luck to you though!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both, mrs bear and vsnod for your words. I am really frustrated and it is good to hear from an outsider looking in. I agree that I shouldn't have to ask him or prompt him to tell me he is in love with me. I am going to try to be strong and do what I know is right for me in the long run.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008): Oh gosh this guy is sooo annoying, I'm sorry but he has obviously made you feel totally insecure about eveything that you constantly need his reassurance..
As an outsider this is easy for me to say and i feel bad saying it as its so clear you adore him.
At your age though (no offence intended as i am 32) should you really have to put up with this drivle??? After a year too you show know where you are 'at' with someone and be planning for the future.
It seems to me he is keeping you as a safety net, and to praise him whenever he needs it - but what does he seriously do for you - how does he care about you??? he seems too wrapped up in his own world to care for anyone but himself right now.
I hate it when guys make us feel like this, especially when we put our all into a relationship.
I don't think that you would leave him as you love him so much but you have to think eventually what is best for you.. i bet you could go away for a few months/years and this guy will still be doing the same thing in his own little bubble.
Don't let this guy waste you life and your heart.. eventually i think you will have to leave him.. sorry
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A
female
reader, vsnod +, writes (15 April 2008):
 He seems to be full of crap. You guys have been together for a year, so yes, he should know if he loves you by now. And from your question, it seems that he is blaming YOU as to why he hasn't made up his mind! There must be good things about him, but you need to decide if you want to stay with a guy who might love you someday, if you stop asking him. Wouldn't it be better to try to find someone who will tell you they love you without prompting them?
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