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male
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*etateanu
writes: My girlfriend is 6 years older than me (29). She is a very decent,church-going girl, she has even been a virgin till we met (2 years ago). Thing is she told me recently that she hasnt always been like this, that in her younger age (19-25) she was going out a lot, partying, drinking , dating different guys, some of which really broke her heart-she said she even had suicidal attempts. Although she says God helped her get thru all of this and become what she is now. She doesnt want to talk about certain things about her past relationships, saying she feels guilty for what she was doing at the time; but i cant understand what things could trouble her so much(she WAS a virgin when i met her). So it's hard for me b-coz I would like her to just tell me and get this over with because not knowing is what gets me frustrated. Do U think i'm being unfair or is it my right to know things in her past? I wish i could let go of this and carry on with our lives, but it's really frustrating for me coz i feel somewhat betrayed. What can I do about this ?
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female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (8 November 2006):
 hello
i do understand how u feel, but what i can tell u is that let bygones be bygones because somethings are better not known especially things from our past. you said u are curious to know this bcos u can see its killing her inside this is bcos she is not proud of her past and as if that is not enough the love of her life wants to know about it. u need to make peace with the fact that she might not tell u at all, bcos this nagging is opening a gap bit by bit between the two of u. i also dont think u should worry about the issue of trust here, she does trust u but she thinks whatever it is that happens might hurt u or it is just too painful for her. for now just love her and be there for her when she is ready im sure u will be the first person she will tell. if this doesnt work she can seek counsilling at her church or professionally if u love her the way u say u do stop pushing her u might end up pushing her away from u and we dont want that do we? be patient and good luck
A
male
reader, cetateanu +, writes (8 November 2006):
cetateanu is verified as being by the original poster of the question Original Poster
Thanks a lot for the answers.
It means a lot to me. I also want to add that my reasons why I want to find out about the things that make her feel ashamed about her past are are not to start judging her or using that against her. I think I can pretty much deal with everything, but the fact that she's withholding it from me is what makes me sad&frustratred because I want her to be able to trust me with anything and to know that I will love her no matter what. If she never tells me, I wouldn't leave her or anything, my love for her is true, but I just want her to get rid once and for all of these demons in the past b-coz I can see it still bothers her and she said she never spoke about some things to nobody. I don't think its healthy for her to keep it all inside. Once again, thanks for the comments.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2006): We all have a past, some worse than others, but don't hold her to ransom because she won't tell you all of it. Two years is still early days and she may open up in the future and tell you it all but she may not and you have to be prepared to never know. Is it so important, if so, then explain to her how you feel. View how you feel about her. Can you live with never knowing, if not, then move on. Life is too short. Best Wishes
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female
reader, jng23 +, writes (8 November 2006):
Trust me, you probably don't want to hear about the past. But if there is something that really concerns you, you should talk to her about it.
The past is just the past. She's with you now.
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A
male
reader, I Waited For The One  +, writes (8 November 2006):
 cetateanu very good question. i met my girl a year ago. i will not lie to you she had a very colourful past. drug's, sex. and he told me everything in the first few month's. after the first few month's she started telling me thing's she forgot like she did it in a park for the first time ever. i think your right to know what she did in the past if you plan to have a Relationship how can u do this knowing nofthing about her past. Eddie is wrong i wanted to know everything about my girl's past and she did. and i think cetateanu deserves to know as well. why have secret's. if she had sex who, with, when, where these are the question that u deserve to know.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (8 November 2006):
 I think the first answer is way off base. The reason you don't know about her past is because you WERE NOT IN IT ! End of story. It sounds like in her younger years she did what most people do. She doesn't need to justify it to you or put up with your questions designed tomake her feel guilty.
She may be ashamed of some things she did but that is her business, not yours. Also, who are you to judge? She doesn't need to lie to you because it's her personal business. She isn't and should not be asking for your forgiveness. It sounds like you're jealous or have trouble dealing with her past life.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2006): You're worried that she lied about her sexual history and from the sound of it she probably did.
You have to decide how much her history matters to you. Do you really want to be with someone who'll lie to you to cover up their own shame? Do you think that someone who makes mistakes and then lies about it really deserves to be with you?
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