A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am very religious and my boyfriend of 2 years is not. About two months ago he stopped kissing me passionately because he says he finds it easier to control himself because he gets carried away when the making out it gets hot and he really doesn't want me to be uncomfortable. I don't believe in sex before marriage but I miss kissing him passionately. Is it wrong for me to want that but not want it to go any further?
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (26 March 2012):
 No you are not wrong to want to only kiss passionately but not have sex. But he is also not wrong. He cannot kiss you and make out without feeling uncomfortable or losing control. Your guy is being respectful and not pressurising you for sex. Now you must also be respectful and not ask for hot kisses which promise and tempt and leave him frustrated.
If you don't want to have sex, then don't do sexual things which will make your partner uncomfortable.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (26 March 2012):
 Its certainly not wrong to not want sex before marriage but OP you cant have your cake and eat it too. Kissing passionately is a part of foreplay, its a huge turn on. Your B/f has been doing a great job of respecting your decision of no sex before marriage, but you're expecting a bit too much out of him by asking him to kiss you and then go no further. If you want to be a virgin, then do it right. There's no point playing the technical virgin thing
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A
female
reader, Deagan  +, writes (26 March 2012):
 Wow, kudos to the both of you for having opposite views and making it work for 2 years.
I really feel for him honestly- he gets worked up when you two passionately kiss but he gets no release.
So you're saying that you should get what you want and he shouldn't get what he wants. You want to wait for marriage to have sex, and you want to continue kissing passionately. What does he get?
Can you meet half way? Define your definition of sex with him. Perhaps any sort of penetrative sex is not okay, but how about other forms of physical intimacy?
Not to pull out the kiddy terms here, but how about 2nd and 3rd base?
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A
male
reader, Hugh.J +, writes (26 March 2012):
 You can't have it both ways, OP; you are being unfair to him to want passion but not carry it further and your bf is doing his best to respect your wishes of no sex, but do you realise how difficult it is for a bloke to hold back once aroused?
If you force him into passionate kisses and he cannot control himself, you will accuse him of rape and his life will be over; do you want that?
I'm guessing that I will get a lot of criticism from the Aunties on here, to the effect that he really ought to be able to control himself, but men don't work like that. There is an old saying, "A stiff dick has no conscience" - a bit crude, but near the truth.
Can you not compromise on your no sex edict to the extent that you don't have penetration but give him hand relief and let him pleasure you?
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A
female
reader, Romanilove +, writes (26 March 2012):
No its not wrong of you to want to abstain from sex. It seems your boyfriend is very understanding. However, it must be frustrating for your boyfriend to kiss you passionately and not have it move forward. Its a tease for him. Odds are he gets an erection when he kisses you "passionately". So he wants to prevent that because he knows it won't lead to sex. Besides that, it probably makes u uncomfortable. An erection that doesn't lead to sex or some sort of release becomes painful for men. It seems he's just trying to respect your wishes.
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