A
female
age
26-29,
*..BabyGirl..x
writes:For 11 years I've been brought up by just my Mum. With my grandad around too. My dad left when I was 3, I saw him for about six months after my parents split and then that was it. I didn't see him after that.I've been thinking about it recently and I really want to start seeing my dad. I have told my mum and she was fine with it but the way she was talking sounded like she was trying to put me off.She told me that my dad didn't have any room in his life for kids and that he'd agree to pick me up from wherever and then not turn up. She said that he'd be alright to start with and then he'd upset me in the end. A couple of days ago we saw my dad outside the shops and it was amazing to talk to him. We talked about school and the languages I'm learning and about New Zealand, where my dad's father originates from a Maori tribe. All the time I was talking to him I couldn't help but smile. We got in the car and mum started saying 'he was full of shit' and that he'd never be any different. It hurt me to hear this about my own father. I really don't want to be upset but it's horrible to be around my friends who come to school with stories of what they've done over the weekends and where their dads have taken them and I want that. When I was speaking to him he was lovely. Nothing at all like my mum keeps saying. When we got back mum said "oh do you still want to see him then?" It really gets to me so I told her that if she kept pressurising me then it wouldn't do her any favours. I really want to start seeing my dad but like I say, I really don't want him to upset me. I don't think mum understands because she says that after all he's done after 11 years of no contact at all and no cards at christmas or birthday that I want to see him, but she doesn't know how it feels. She's got her dad and it's really upsetting when all my friends talk about their dads. I really do not know what direction to take and would really appreciate your answers and opinions.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2008): As a parent/mother, I can tell you that parents are not perfect. We are human and make mistakes. From what I have read in your post your mum seems to want to protect you (as all mom's and dad's wish we could protect our children from everything), but she needs to let you go on this one and watch you from a distance.
My children's father does not attempt to see, contact, or want to financially support them. I have let them learn on thier own their fathers ways, making sure I was available to explain any confusing and upsetting feelings.
You see, there father is the type to say that he will call or come to see them and not show up. It hurt me to allow this to happen to them, but eventually they figured it out for themsevles and no longer ask about him. It hurts so much, and NO I do not really have an explanation for why their father is the way he is. I keep the hate to a minimum for myself and my children's sake.
I said all of this to say that I think your mum is just trying to protect you and she may feel at a loss of knowing excatly how to do it.
I gather from your post that you are a highly intelligent and mature young lady, a product of both your parents.
Love your mom and your dad, give dad a chance, and just know that he is not perfect. I hope this helps :)
Keep your head up.
Qchele
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