A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:.I'm 19 years old and I feel like an 'outcast' in society. I feel like everyone wants me to change and be someone who I'm not comfortable with.Most of my values and beleifs are based on Christianity, and although I believe in God, I dont know alot about the bible and so forth as I dont go to church every week and I havent grown up in the most religous family, so its been something ive done myself. I don't feel like I'm accepted because most of my friends try to get me to do things that go against my values and who I am, such as drinking. Every guy ive ever dated has also tried to do this.My university has a christian group where you can join and have bible studies and they also have alot of social events so you can meet like minded people. I am thinking about maybe going because I honestly feel like no one is like me, but I think that maybe if I go to tthis I'll find people with similar values and so on. But I am kind of scared because I dont know heaps about christianity and I'm afraid they may think im not a 'true christian' or something. The second part of my probelm is that when I was 17 I had sex with my bf and I regret it so badly, because of that i havent slept with any other guys since. My guess is that alot of people who are in this group are saving themself for marriage. I have one friend who is already joined and from what hes said alot of them are very strict, they dont drink or believe in sex before marriage etc... So then in a way I feel like maybe i wont fit in there either, or that they will look down upon me because im not 'pure'. Even thoough they wont know that im not a virgin, its still something I feel ashamed of. Any advice?
View related questions:
christian, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (1 July 2008):
 Thank you DiovanLestat for your compliments .
There are many kinds of Christians and some of them bothering on the fanatical and the extremist side.
We have the right to choose which way we want to travel on this road to Heaven.
To the OP, do not be too harsh or critical or judgmental on yourself.
We are only human and make mistakes.
God has forgiven you and washed pure with His blood and you should forgive yourself too.
Only the devil wants you to think that you are unclean or unfit for God's service.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): Wow Laura, that was beautiful, kinda sums up nicely what I believe Christianity is all about.
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (1 July 2008):
A true Christian will love and accept you whatever or whoever you are .
If any Christians do not accept a fellow Christian ,
then he/she is not of the true Christian faith.
No true Christians should be judgmental nor look down on another .
They should always welcome you with open arms.
You should not feel inferior or have an inferior complex as
every Christian will have to start from the beginning like being born again.
You are like a small baby which need milk before she can consume solid food.
You may hold a different view of God or the Bible but
Christianity is all about love and not about God's laws.
You do not have to understand or read the Bible in great detail.
You need to read the Bible with understandings and apply it to your situation .
Do not read blindly or follow blindly what others say.
Be critical of what you hear or read.
Different people have different levels of faith.
Since it was written 2000 years ago , there are still people who don't agree with what was written in it.
There is no point to argue with anyone about the Bible or the Christian beliefs.
A person may prove he is right by quoting from the Bible but if he has no love, it is like an empty 'Gong.'
You cannot use the Bible to bang on the head of others or force them down their throats.
You can believe what you want as this religion is between you and God only .
If you are wrong, God will teach you .
The Bible can be summariesed into two major laws.
1) Love God with all your heart ,body , soul and spirit.
2) Love your neighbour as yourself.
This is the two most important precepts in this religion.
All the other laws found in the Bible or the church maybe inappropriate and unsuitable to the present times.
If you do not agree with that particular church,
you can leave and find another one.
There are no perfect churches in this world because in the church , there will be the church politics.
This is a sad state of affairs in some of the churches.
God said everyone is a sinner and no man can keep all those laws. There is none except only one , Jesus.
Your salvation is by the grace of God.
He gives us our salvation freely.
You cannot earn it by trying to follow all the laws in the Bible.
You cannot buy your salvation with your riches.
You may join the Bible group in your U and see if you can find what you seek in life.
It is for the new experience and fellowship with other Christians like a big happy family.
Be open minded and tolerant of others .
Follow your conscience and do what you feel is right .
If you know the truth , it will set you free.
Many Christians , even educated and intellectual ones are like sheep with no brains.
They just follow blindly what their leaders told them.
The other aunts here have given their excellent answers and I do agree with them.
...............................
A
male
reader, no_issues  +, writes (1 July 2008):
 Doesn't Jesus say that his church is wherever two or more are gathered in his name?
Sounds like all you need to form a Christian group entirely to your own liking is:
- a Bible
- another person
Optional:
- photocopied event flyers and/or internet posts announcing the next meeting
- extra Bibles (to taste)
- fish and loaves (to serve multitude)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): Then your well on your way. People say a lot of things, without really understanding it themselves. This allows a lot of room for some Christians to make up things. It's an excellent suggestion to attend bible study. I know the bibles a bit hard, and bible classes should give you the opportunity to study with others who also don't understand and have the guidance of a expert.
The thing about the drinking thing is you need to find some people that don't drink, but that's got nothing to do with Christianity. Some Christian's drink and some don't. Just like some Christians beat their wives and some don't. Choose carefully what type of Christianity you prefer. There can be huge differences in belief. If this class dosen't suit you then go to another one. Why don't you try going to different churches on Sunday's. This will give you a chance to find the Christianity which will suit you best. Some churches are very small and quiet, others are large and can have a big social scene.
Anyway take care and good luck. I think it's great that you refuse to be part of the crowd and are brave enough to go after something that you believe will make your life better.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the replies.
DiovanLestat- I never thought Christians can't drink, its just I've seen and heard of a lot who don't, so in my opinion it seems to be a common christian thing for some reason. And my example of not drinking was just one example of many other values and morals.
Yes I do know the 10 commandments, but its all just so confusing to know whats right and wrong. like some people tell you yes you can do this and that and other people say you cant.
And I do read the bible, but I havent read all of it. I find it hard to understand sometimes so that puts me off for a bit. I guess this group at uni could help me understand it better.
Thanks for all the replies again.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2008): You got some funny ideas about Christianity. I don't believe in God or religion (my choice) but I was brought up in a Christian family, and every single one of my friends believes in God and goes to church. Your first point of call should be to read the bible for yourself. It's wonderfull to read and has some wonderfull stories. If you read it you will see that many people in the bible were not "pure", some of them did some very bad things. King David even sent one of his generals into battle so he could sleep with his wife, when the man died he threw aside the poor woman as if she was a piece of dirt.
I don't think it's Christianity your looking for, you seem to want to be with people who share the same "sacrifical" attitude as you. Why do you think Christians can't drink. If you read the bible you will see that Jesus had no problem with alcohol. He even turned water into wine for a wedding that had run out. Christianity has been used and abused by people who want to take the fun out of life and want to ignore the pleasure that the good Lord has created for us. (if you believe that type of thing) Read the bible, that's what he commanded us to do, learn from his words, the bible for anyone that reads it is a better guide to living a good life than all the rubbish that these "so called" churches put out.
Do you know the 10 commandments. There is nothing in there about giving up sex or stopping drinking. The only thing that God commands is not to committ adultery. Don't feel bad, you've done nothing wrong. You didn't committ adultery cause you weren't married. Have you heard the story about Ruth, God loved her because of her kindness to her mother-in-law. He didn't hate her when she manipulated that king into having sex with her, so she could get married, get rich and take better care of her dead husbands old mother. Read the bible and find out just how loving and rewarding Christianity can be.
Anyhow if your looking for a "pure" life then join that Christian group. They will love to see you, they love any sinner who wants to be saved. Jesus himself said "I come not to talk to the believers it's the sinners who need to hear my message) Just tell them what you did wrong, that you believe in God and want to be friends. They will love you, you will be the most popular person in the class. Aint nothing these "killjoys" like more than somebody who has lost their virginity and now regrets it. I promise you, don't be afraid, Christians love anyone who wants to be a friend. They even love me and invite me to church even though I keep telling them their God is an alien from out of space.
Remember that a true Christian knows that God forgives every sin, he knows your every thought, word and deed, even before you do. Go to your group and remember that if you believe in him, he will wash away all your sins. Jesus died for you, he died to make you pure. Nothing you can ever do will make the Lord your God turn away from you. Blessings, take care.
...............................
A
female
reader, whiteflower +, writes (30 June 2008):
I had a similar struggle when I was 18. I grew up always believing in abstinence, and then after I had sex with my boyfriend, I couldn't forgive myself. We had a bad relationship, but I still stayed with him for two years thinking if we got married, it would somehow make things better. That didn't turn out to be such a good idea.
I can tell you from experience that it takes time to heal and get past the self-imposed guilt, but this is part of becoming an adult. You have to stop thinking about other people's expectations and learn to love yourself so you can forgive youself and move on.
Regarding your interest in Christianity, I think any group that is going to make you feel ashamed for not knowing about the Bible is not worth your time. It is faith that makes you a true Christian, not your ability to quote Bible verses or memorize timelines. I've met people who fit the image, go to Church every Sunday, volunteer for every missionary trip, but don't have good hearts. On the other hand, I've met people who wouldn't don't "look Christian," but are wonderful church leaders. I'm not trying to establish stereotypes here. My point is that there's no mold to fit into.
If you're not welcomed with open arms into the Christian group at your school, you should look into churches in the area. They usually have postings on the bulletin board, or sometimes other students will just walk up to you and invite you. Jesus was an outcast too, so don't feel like you're alone on this. Good luck!
...............................
A
male
reader, ChiRaven +, writes (30 June 2008):
 Several issues here, and you should try to keep them straight in your mind.
First is your attitude toward Christianity in general. Christianity is a deep and complex faith, and there are MANY different approaches to it. Most of them welcome newcomers, and are delighted to provide instruction and help to those who seek to join. You don't have to come in knowing all about it. If you truly want to practice the Christian faith, you are certain to be able to find a group with which you feel comfortable. Just keep trying. (Disclaimer ... I'm not a Christian myself, but do know an AWFUL lot about it.)
Second is this particular social group. If they are like most Christian groups, they will NOT be judgmental over anything you may have been or done in the past, especially if they don't know about it. They don't have some magical way of looking into your mind or heart. Just go, be yourself, and have a good time. If the issue of your past behavior comes up, remember that to true Christians the forgiveness of "sin" is all important, and your resolve to be a better person from now on will make you very special to them.
Finally, there is a real problem with what YOU think of yourself. You have great difficulty thinking of yourself as a good person. This sexual episode two years ago obviously bothers you. You are constantly surrounded by temptations to do things like drink and have sex that go against your self-image. Welcome to college. That's the way most colleges are. That doesn't mean that's the way YOU have to be. Make it clear to your friends and to the guys you date that you prefer not to drink, not even a little bit thank you very much. And as far as sex, well, NO! And stick to your guns on those issues. Don't let anyone else talk you into doing something that will make you feel bad about yourself.
Then, get some new friends. Like that Christian group. In fact, you might introduce yourself to them by telling them that you are looking for people who share your values because you are tired of being bothered by people trying to get you to do things you consider to be wrong.
Fitting in is never really all that easy in your teens or early 20's. It's mostly a matter of trial and error. But don't be afraid to try new things until you find a social situation that fits who you really are. If this Christian group gives you that, stick with them. If you give them a try and you don't feel comfortable there, just move on. There are plenty more places to look for people who feel as you do and with whom you will feel comfortable.
...............................
|
