A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 ½ years and I love him very much.We have been discussing living together for the past year, but nothing seems to move forward. Whenever I try to discuss the subject he say’s that he really wants to be with me and he will soon but won’t discuss a time. Also, he is constantly cancelling our time together i.e got to get up early the next morning or doesn’t feel well. Then he tells me he loves me and wants to marry me. The next week he seems to forget he ever asked!He suffers from mood swings but just says that they’re nothing to do with me, he loves me and he just has things on his mind. When he’s in a good mood he’s attentive, chatty and good to be around. However, when he’s in a quiet mood he doesn’t show me any affection with out asking, our sex life suffers and tells me I’m nagging if I ask him what’s wrong or ask him to come round to see me. Sometimes these ‘quiet’ moods can last two weeks - I feel like I’m walking on egg shells and he is controlling our life.I getting to the point that all these ups and downs are making me very sad, he is constantly on my mind. I’m questioning whether he really loves me or wants to be with me at all? I just want us to make a life together? Please what should I do…?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2008): There is not really enough to go on as to what the problem is, but he may be feeling pressured by your reactions to his moods and asking about getting married.
If you want a guy to marry you, then don't live with him. Why would he be motivated to marry when he has all the perks without making it legal, why would he buy the cow when he can get the milk for free? He doesn't lack the insight as to what is the problem with him and with you, he lacks the motivation and those are two very different things.
You seem like possibly that you are expecting him to take care of your happiness, why is your happiness pinned to his moods? You control that, not him. If you are bored with it, or don't like being with him when he ignores you then call a girlfriend and go shopping or go somewhere out together and do something that fills you up, don't ask his permission, make the date and go out and let him wonder where you are going, get extra dressed up before you go, and it will make him sit up and wonder and that is what you need for him to wonder what you are doing without him, and don't let him take you for granted, which is what he is doing....sounds to me. If you take care of you, then you will feel happier, he will be more interested and you will be less insecure....don't expect your boyfriend to take care of all of your emotional needs and your social needs, don't stop being you. Continue with the activities you enjoy and you will have more to talk about when you are together.
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