A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife Sabrina works in the film/TV industry in Hollywood, and her job effectively can't be done from home, or not very well (she hates doing it over Zoom) and I'm suspecting she may be depressed; she usually loves her job.My wife works in a managerial role and she was never office-bound anyway for her job, she's worked in Hollywood since April 1999 when she was 23.Her work is largely behind-the-scenes things.It's not obvious but I'm worried she has depression; she says she can't adjust to work from home and says her job is downright impossible to do at home.We don't have children, but we do have cats (4 of them) and they're as close to kids as possible.My wife has told me she's been criticized for not being with the times and not being woke when she said to employees over Zoom "We need to stop being with this stupid woke PC culture; remember 2004-2007 when woke didn't even exist, and everything was about great content? Well, maybe the content wasn't that great, but you didn't have people saying this wasn't woke enough and there needs to be more people of colour etc., it's about the right person for the job.".My wife is Indian-American (no, not Native American) and she got her job based on abilities, not skin color or ethnicity; but some newer employees accused her of getting the job on color, even though she's been at her current employer since August 2002!Our life is generally quite good, but the biggest issues are her worrying about co-workers (she gets on with most of them, but there's only six new ones who joined in January 2020, and they're around 21-30, and more into current things like BLM/woke etc. and it's caused clashes at work).My wife is a very open, accepting, tolerant person but she hates it when people see her industry as one homogenous thing and claims "Most people don't understand the REALITY of working in Hollywood... my job is important, but while it ain't glamorous, it's definitely worthwhile and good.".The younger co-workers keep harassing her with messages about woke stuff etc. and she's kept them as evidence; the boss is ivnestigating the harassment since some is racist and one message was stomach-churning to say the least.Her boss is on side with her about refusing to let woke/BLM etc. get into productions, but some of her newer co-workers are threatening to go on strike over this and one sent her an email saying "WHY THE FUCK DO YOU NOT DO WOKE BLM STUFF, YOU SILLY BITCH, ARE YOU A FUCKING ANTI-WOKIST SLUT?"The boss is now investigating.My wife will NOT quit her job because she feels it's a good job and she's been there nearly 20 years and the company's great, but it's just these new temporary younger employees causing her stress (with the exception of Maddie, who's 26, and a new full-time employee; Maddie is a Canadian expat hired in 2018 and she's closer to my wife in personality and opinions, I've met her now and then).My wife's asked me for advice on dealing with this, but I'm unsure how to help since I don't understand Hollywood politics very well; she doesn't quite understand office politics in my business (car sales) very well; fortunately, my job isn't quite under threat from online despite what the news may say about Tesla and direct sales since my job involves selling beater sedans, SUVs and pickups to low-income families... I buy them for the dealer for a living and import used ones from Mexico occasionally.We live in California.Also, next year it's our 20th anniversary, on March 5th 2002, of our marriage and I want to give Sabrina the best 20th I can; she's a very girly-girl type woman (but also loves cars like I do) yet how to do it in COVID-19 times? I want to spend a lot to make it memorable too.The problem is, how can I do a good one with a mixture of Indian, Italian, German, Canadian and Thai food as a mixed buffet (we're a vegetarian couple) since restaurants being open isn't something I can rely on.I really want to make a great 20th anniversary party on Saturday 5 March 2022 for my wife but want to do it as just one for us two since social distancing means I probably can't have a big party anyway... that would have to wait until later this year (if you believe Dr. Fauci saying normal life won't resume until autumn '22).I really would appreciate the help on this.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 March 2021):
 If I were in your wife's shoes I would avoid talk of politics at work altogether.
If people want to be "woke" that is on them. Your wife is entitled to her own opinions and there are definitely a time and place to share those and to NOT share those, I'd say work is one of them.
The people who are creating this drama are temporary, right? This means your wife should have a chance to keep them out of her face and focus on doing her job.
Some people (especially the young ones ) tend to think there can be only one solution, one way of thinking. They will learn as they grow.
They aren't responsible for the finances of this company, they do not understand that not every "new" idea is actually new or... a GOOD idea.
Your wife is older and more mature, she needs to not get into pointless arguments with TEMPORARY employees over... politics.
Also, ANYONE sending e-mails, like :
" one sent her an email saying "WHY THE FUCK DO YOU NOT DO WOKE BLM STUFF, YOU SILLY BITCH, ARE YOU A FUCKING ANTI-WOKIST SLUT?""
Should be FIRED on the spot. No excuse.
As for your anniversary, do something intimate. Something that will have meaning for the two of you. Be it a little getaway weekend, a vacation a SMALL gathering at home with friends/family. Celebrate your milestone. Congrats!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2021): Hi
That's a long question :) happy anniversary coming up, hope you come up with a nice idea (sometimes simple is best, you know, like nature). Old fashioned picnic with very close friends who you both feel comfortable with. Live music from the group, singing and just simple BEAUTY but REAL.
I don't know any other, been a Yorkshire gal at heart but I do know this is a time in our life when we need to RETURN to our natural rhythm's and reconnect with nature and our true self to heal.
This may be a little of what your wife is needing.
I am not a follower of labels or modern times and will not be forced into thinking any particular way or be forced into viewing the world by anything other than my own eyes and experience of life.
The world is heading into something that we need to be wide awake for, making sure we do not fall asleep, getting lost into a false reality. Get dragged along into a self created prison of arrogance, greed, violence, deceit, and fake people, who want to change the world but won't change themselves, regurgitating and shouting their mouths off and threatening others who think differently to them. They give nothing to the world but anger and venom. They scream about a godless world, yet do nothing about finding their own God and loving others truly and creating a peaceful world . Fancy words mean NOTHING!!!good deeds mean God's truth and I'll wear that label only.
Yes, there are some much needed changes some good and some bad. Every generation wants to change the world, it's all of our missions to change the world to a better place. We need to start with people first, not the past, not the future but the 'hear and now' with us!
Until we change, nothing changes, until people recognise the darkness in their own spirits first and find that divine spark of our own God, then we are guided by truth. and can love
one another
as we are soposed to
.
A
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2021): Typo corrections:
"To seek changes that acknowledge the rights and safety of all, as one nation under God."
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2021): You know what? I don't think this is completely about your wife at all. I think you are expressing your own political views.
Let your wife write us and tell us what she feels and express her own views and feelings.
America and the world is facing a pandemic; and there is a lot of political and racial unrest. Lies are repeated so often, they are accepted as truth. It is prophesied in both 2 Timothy 3:1-13 and 2 Timothy 4:3. If you don't own a Bible, you can Google it. None of what you see, and what your wife is facing is news. It has been happening all along. Now people feel emboldened to be outright with it. Claiming inciteful and racist language to be protected under freedom of speech. Then how does the law differentiate verbal-abuse and assault?
I've turned to my faith and worship of Our Father God in Heaven, and His son Jesus Christ for comfort. I read the Bible for answers, and seek wisdom from the scriptures. I go to church, and listen to internet ministries...avoiding weirdos and false-prophets. God gives us discernment to know the truth. Humanity is inherently sinful, we have weaknesses and faults. The divisiveness in this country is due to the faults and serious flaws in our human nature. Why are Native Americans, Asian Americans, African Americans, Middle Easterners, Jewish people, and women facing bigotry and discrimination in the 21st century??? Why do they cherry pick the sins of one group (i.e. gay or trans people) aside from all the other sins of adultery, fornication, killing, stealing, lying, mysticism, occult practices, and all the other abominations God details over and over, and list all together in the Bible?
My answers on how to cope with all this, and remain sane, come from the Manual of Life. The Holy Bible. I try to avoid too much involvement in "modern" politics beyond my civil duties as a citizen, and exercising my constitutional right to vote. I do not feel our democracy is safe; if we suppress the votes of any marginalized group within our nation. "We the people are united," as a nation. We are not separate. It is a United States, not "them" and "us." God commands kindness, charity, love, fairness, and forgiveness. He adds His own Spirit of grace and mercy to change us to make it humanly possible to do what He commands. Unbelievers don't understand this. It's mythical and silly. Not to those who believe and bear witness to truth. We have a choice, to believe or not to believe. It's not my right to force you to believe, just a Christian responsibility to offer a way to peace and the love of God. Jesus isn't accepted by everyone; but He will accept anyone. We don't choose Him, He chooses us. It's predestined that whether we will turn to Him or not. He knows the past, present, and future all at the same time. He's awesome! If you don't believe that, fine. I do!
I place all my worries and concerns in the hands of Christ. All this stuff is too big for us to handle on our own. You can't change human nature, and people are going to be people to the end of all time. That doesn't mean you don't pass laws to protect the weak and innocent, or set wrongs to right. We should do it with God beside us. Then we can't go wrong!
I am half Indigenous Native American, my mother's tribal nation is Cherokee. I've witnessed racism my entire life, and everyone seems to act as if this is something new. Asian Americans are now a target of violence. If it makes some uneasy to hear the cries of oppression and distress; perhaps that will drive us to behave as brothers and sisters. To seek changes that acknowledge the rights and safety of all, as one nation God. How can you hate someone for the color of their skin? How can you feel it's right to silence those being oppressed and attacked? This word you used "woke" is divisive political-jargon that is created to be critical and inciteful towards people who see and have experienced things differently. There are a lot of code-words and dog whistles used as coded-references to identify things related to black and brown people, i.e. BLM. It is nasty and insidious! Walk a mile in your brother's shoes!
I recommend that your wife find herself a different job in a less stressful work environment. It is unlikely her bosses are going to change the entire structure of how they run their business according to her wishes. They are conducting an investigation as to those vicious racial comments; and hopefully they'll get to the bottom of that. Hate has been stirred-up around us to a more noticeable degree than ever before. Again I say, it's nothing new. It might have been more subtle due to political correctness; but it is no less toxic or venomous when you try to hide it. Your own racial prejudice towards "BLM" is showing. If you don't understand the pain of others; don't participate in inflicting the oppression and bigotry they face. In fact, they share the same things your wife has experienced. The words you use have consequences. The tongue is like the rudder of a ship. It's small, but it can move the world in any direction.
I think it would be therapeutic for your wife to express her own pain to us in her own words. She can vent all her frustrations, without your personal influences and opinion. We best describe our own pain given the chance. Others may show compassion and support; but we have to face our own demons. I recommend she seek whatever faith she has, and find comfort. She should see her doctor to get a thorough physical examination; and maybe the doctor will refer her to a therapist, if it is determined she does suffer depression. Most of it is covid-distress and comes from long-term confinement. That's what everyone is suffering right now. It sometimes seems that being cooped-up amplifies all the other usual daily irritations and mishaps we face. Trivial things that we never really considered much of a big deal prior to the pandemic. My advice is to press on. I don't like this, but it is what it is!
I've turned to my faith and worship; because I know life can be hard just on my own. I've turned to God, because I can't rely on mankind to make any sense. I trust in Jesus Christ, because He has helped me to hold-on to hope. He has given me a peace that surpasses all human understanding. He has helped me to control my own prejudices; while I face the hatred of others. He wants us to love our neighbors as ourselves, and to love our enemies. He commands it. He knows they will not love us back; but the point is not to be consumed in hatred or destroyed by the evil that feeds it.
You help best by just standing by her as her beloved and trusted mate. You cannot cure the ills of the world, or change human nature to please your wife. She's a grown-woman, and she has to fend for herself. She may not always have you around. It's good you love her so much.
You can pray for her, and our country; and make sure you aren't an unwitting contributor to the cruelty and hatefulness that now seems to be consuming all nations.
You'll get answers for yourself here, but maybe you can ask her to seek some comfort here for herself.
God bless you both, and bring you both His peace.
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