A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:MY son has autism, hates his appearance and has never had a single proper friend. It is heartbreaking.He is 21, lovely and well-mannered but can’t stand the way he looks. He self-harms too. Only self-harming in the way of overeating.As it is , he keeps insisting he's not hunky enough for girls, and he wants to look feminine like a K-Pop star, even though we're white.He is attracted to a local woman, but she's 29 and a prison guard. It's a known fact she's single, people in the local bar have kept hearing her moaning about her single status and how online dating doesn't work for her.As it is, he doesn't know her that well, and she's more like someone he knows but doesn't know. I feel concerned about this attraction. Maybe the age gap may be a problem.My son's not been on a proper date before but likes this woman who he thinks is glamorous.She isn't some supermodel, fairly average-looking, not frumpy. Yes, she looks like Melania Trump, but imagine her a bit more ordinary-looking, no makeup, a bit more weight.He would rather I cut his hair than go to the barber so he doesn’t have to see himself in the mirror.He rarely leaves the house, as he has panic attacks even going to the local shop. He does shower though.He is depressed and I am not coping well either. I’m 42 and a single mum as when my son was 18 months old, my boyfriend left to go back to Texas and was never heard from again. We spend a lot of time together and argue all the time.Arguments don't get physical with attacks but verbal. Never to the level of fuck off or swearing, but still, a lot of arguments.I worry for my son, don't know how to help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2022): Your son needs a good therapist who is experienced in these things. Your mistake is talking as if you are somehow going to be that therapist when you have no qualifications, experience or knowledge on how to do this. You can love him, but you should not try to be his therapist too, you will make it worse.
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