A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Been married for 3 months now. Had a nice Indian wedding. Not a big one, but just family and cousins.It happened not long after COVID restrictions ended.I'm 34 and he's 3 years older than me; we met via a speed-dating night for Indian people about 5 years ago.We had our marriage 250 miles away in Scotland but worth it!What's the big issue here is that my husband has already told me he wants both me and someone else he's attracted to.The other person? A friend who's transitioning from female to male, who's 26.He says he never intended to have feelings for the guy and only ever knew him as a guy not a girl, and that the guy isn't going 100% with surgery, more like 40% with it, and is transitioning more socially."I want both of you, but society says I can't have both and it's killing me. I want you to meet him."It's highly unusual he wants me to meet the person eh has feelings for. Most guys wouldn't do this.He claims he's not gay or bi, but his sexuality is his own thing and he still loves me.I love my husband and wouldn't cheat on him with another guy. But there are no other guys at the moment I'm into anyway. Well, aside from Chris Evans (the Captain America one, not his namesake) but that's not gonna happen... it's fantasy.He told me how he's struggling to understand why he's got such an attraction to transmen. He said he's not into biological men.Nothing before now made me suspect he was gay or bisexual.I'm worried about why he's doing this.He hasn't actually gone as far as a full-blown affair or even dates with this guy, but he claims the guy is interested.I've seen photos of the man in question, he still looks very feminine, sort of like Taylor Swift, but in a man's suit, if that makes any sense. He doesn't look like what I've seen of transgender men, the few I've seen from the media. The man still looks like a doppelganger/dead-ringer of Taylor Swift, although dressed very masculinely.I'm worried about a few things.Why he feels he has to tell me. His admission coming 3 months into the marriage. Also, someone exposing it.You just never know in our culture about acceptance.Indian culture may not be accepting of it.It should be noted my husband's involved in running a clothes shop, is a businessman. He doesn't own it, a guy in his 40s does, but he's involved in marketing and PR and finding female models for it. It's not a big name shop, just one that does womenswear and Indian womenswear.I'm not involved in the Indian scene at all, well, in terms of job.I'm a saleswoman for a well-known Japanese car manufacturer, worked in the industry for 15 years now.Perhaps choosing to join during the big recession of 2007 wasn't a great idea but the job is good.I'm now feeling confused and not sure about my marriage.If I divorce now, it'll be costly but thank god we haven't got kids (I'm an aunt though...).If I stay, it'll be tough but I've got to stay for good and bad times.I do love my husband but this has caused me so much stress as I've only known for six days which is barely enough time.It's causing me so much emotional stress I feel like I could burn out or explode, metaphorically speaking.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2022): Get an annulment.He deceived you about who he really is. He will always have trans boyfriends.Dump the liar and fraud.
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