A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need some help people! okay my sister has been with her husband for nine years and married almost two. recently she hasn't started seeing this girl that works in the office with her. she is lesbian and has a wife if that is what you call it! well since she has been seeing the girl she has become distant from her husband and there 4 year old! her husband loves her to death and he wants to make everything work for them. anyways she left him a week ago and says that she wants to live alone for a while and see what she really wants but she wont leave the girls alone! will someone please tell me what to do to convince her that she needs to go back home and try to make things work with her husband? i tell her all the time that she at least needs to try it to see if it can be fixed and if it don't then she is really in same situation she is now! i just know that he is devistated and i don't know waht else to do! she can't afford to get her own apartment but she is wanting me to ask my boss to let her borrow it and with her being my sister i would do anything in the world for her as she has helped me out alot when i needed her! i just want her to go back home and give her family another chance! she will never find anyone as good to her as he is! someone please help me! i have talked her out of the apartment for now and she is staying in a motel room. i have told her that take her time that she has to think, not mess up more. i don't know i just want to help them. please help
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 June 2009):
 You could sit her down and tell her how you feel. You don't know what her marriage is like, you don't know why this is going on.
Other then that, there isn't much you can do. It is her life. The fact that she is screwing up two marriages with her fling/affair is again, her choice , her mess.
:) sorry it has to suck having to watch all that drama.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009): so she left the child with the hb? selfish woman.
i know you have a lot of love for your sis and also her hb. you want her to do the right thing here. her sexual preference is killing her hb, does he even know that she is bi/lesbian?
if she has indeed abondoned her family, can you see yourself as being a surrogate mother to this child. are you married/in a relationship? the reason i am asking- one of our relatives left her hb with the 3 kids and ran off with another man. the family rallied together, and asked the younger sister, who was not married to marry her sisters hb. well she this, took care of those kids , treated them like her own and was actually happy. don't know whether this happens nowadays. not such a crazy situation after all.
whatever happens, plse know this. your sis is an adult. she is doing what she wants and doesn't care of the havoc and trauma she has created. you cannot change her mind for her. she needs to do this but she won't. her hb needs to be told the truth about his wife and he must decide what he wants to do. and plse do not ignore the situation mentioned above. i normally do not advocate such things but in life, stranger things have happened. if you can make a home with the 4 yr old and this man, then why not? but just make sure that it is really, really over before even going down this route. i don't know how this will pan out but one thing i do know - this child and this man doesn't deserve this treatment.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009): There's really nothing you can do. She needs to do what makes her happy. I suggest you back off before you get caught in the middle. Your sister might want to suggest an open relationship with her husband.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009): As much as you feel like you need to step in here, I would say just sit tight and don't get worked up or try to make your sister do something she doesn't want to. If your sister is a lesbian, or is unsure of her orientation, then she needs all the support and acceptance she can get, especially from her family.
You seem to be dismissing the fact that it could be legitimate that she is a lesbian. By your tone I can tell that you do not fully accept homosexuality, or at least not in your sister. If she is unhappy in her relationship, however, that is her business. If she has fallen out of love with her husband, that is between them. If she is a lesbian, then in the long run it is better for her to get out of her marriage, and you should support whatever decision she makes. The child still has her father and honestly, unless the kid is being abused or seriously neglected, it's not for you to decide that your sister is not doing a good job of being a mother.
If you love your sister, understand that sometimes people need to seek out their happiness, and that may take strange forms sometimes, or mean starting over from scratch. It won't be the first time someone ever did this! Support her in what she chooses to do - there is nothing else that you can do here.
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