A
male
age
30-35,
*ulianelias91
writes:hey guys thx fr taking the time to read this and helping me out. me and my girlfriend have been dating for a little over three months, this is the quickest moving relationship ive been in. im madlyin love with her and she feels the same. its not that i dont know that she loves me or anything like that we have a lot of fun. but we fight a lot too. she is one of those ppl that has been threw a lot when she was younger and now she doesnt let ppl in that easy, acutally barely at all. i am the most important person in her life next to her brother sister and most of all her dad. she idolizes him because they are really close and he was deported, i have a lot of characteristics that are similar to his which gives me an advantage against anyone else because im not a jerk and im very emotional, and i give her undivided attention when im with her...so ur probably wondering what im asking about lol.. well my concern is that she is bipolar and very insecure and worst of all she is sooooooo jealeous of everything and everyone, is even starting to show that she want the attention i put into my band and my music, and it seems like she doesnt wanna do as much for me as i would for her, she wont come to a concert and support me, because she doesnt wanna stand alone for 30 min while im doin my set.. i would sit through anything for her, what i want is for her to show me that she loves me by doin the "little things" i wanna help her get over her insecurity problems and trust me whole heartedly. cuz when that happens i know it will be so much better, what can i do im stuck in a ditch. i just need to get back on the road.
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male
reader, Kenj  +, writes (31 March 2010):
 The answer to that is simple, you dont worry about it and you give her time, time to accept you.
Even though she is showing feelings for you she may still be very scared of letting you getting too close emotionally.
You have to remember anyone who has lead an isolated life because of an illness cant change quickly.
You have to decide if you can cope with this yourself, if you have any doubt then maybe you need to move on.
A
male
reader, julianelias91 +, writes (31 March 2010):
julianelias91 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionya i understand that she is different and i love the way she makes me feel when we arent having any problems. so what do i do about her not wanting to support me, do i jus not worry about it or.....????
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A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (31 March 2010):
You sound like a good supportive boyfriend to her. People with a BPD can be difficult to understand at times and it’s sometimes hard to know when the alter person takes over.
First thing to recognise is it’s not her fault, being in a relationship with someone with a BPD can take a lot of patients, optimism and love to overcome the difficulties that arise. Try not to get angry at her, if you get frustrated make an excuse to go to the bathroom get away for a moment and take a deep breath.
As you say its hard for her to let people in close to her and her mind will be doing overtime thinking about this. She’s getting paranoid that you will leave her so this is probably where a lot of the augments stem from.
So what to do? You could write her a letter, a love letter telling her exactly how you feel about her and give it to her; tell her when you’re not with her you still think about her a lot and if she needs reassurance she only has to read the letter to herself. This should go a long way in helping her come to terms that you’re not going away which will take away some of the paranoia.
Another important part is to look after yourself too, I know it’s hard and can drain you mentally and physically but give yourself some "Me" time.
Good luck!
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