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male
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anonymous
writes: Been seeing a girl for 7 months. She told me from the outset she has a low sex drive. But I'm finding that it has become very rare now. She makes a big deal out of needing her sleep and uses this as an excuse not to see me at times. She also seems worried that she may become sore if we have prolonged sex. She hides away in her house on her own at times when I would really like to see her even if its for a cup of tea and a chat. She takes aciclovir 200mg which she says is for cold sores on her mouth. But I am worried that she has genital herpes. If she told me I could deal with it but I understand her not wanting to. I wish we could deal with it together. I just want to help her. Its the uncertainty thats worse. It would be a relief to know for sure. Please help
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male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (24 January 2006):
 I agree with the other post. It is in fact likely that she has had a traumatic experience in her past and this is why she is behaving this way.
I also agree that you should take sex and therefore the pressure generated off the agenda. Sexual counselling may well be the best way forward but the other thing i may suggest is trying to build her confidence using non-sexual contact like hand holding and hugs. Hopefully this will establish a bond of intimacy and trust between you and things will flow. If she flinches from this make it known to her that you have no intention of taking it anywhere just that you want to hold her and reassure her.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2006): It is obvious your girlfriend has some sort of problem with sex whether she is treating genital herpes and thats why she doesnt want to have sex I dont know but if that where the case surely she would never have had sex with you!
Maybe its more complicated than that maybe something in her past has made physical contact with a man traumatising for her. I think it is important that you dont pressurise her for sex in fact take sex completly off the agenda and build up her trust in you completly let her know that you are there for her no matter what and then if there are demons on her past in time she may come to tell you about them in her own time.
Perhaps some form of sexual counselling might help but for now I believe the most important thing for you to do is just be her man and take the pressure off for her.
Good Luck with it you seem like a nice guy just be there for her
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