A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I keep wanting to have anal sex. Like me and my boyfriend are really up for it we both feel ready and trust each other enough. But when it actually comes down to it i stop him and tell him i'm too worried to carry on, i'm guessing this kind of pisses him off. We tried it once but my asshole was too tight so he couldn't penetrate properly and it hurt like mad! He was gentle about it, and said we'd wait to try again, but i want it really badly! I just don't know how to handle actually getting down to doing it, and how to handle the pain during, i am literally having dreams about having anal i want it so bad. And also before we tried anal sex is was rubbing my anus and gently fingering it first, but still it hurt loads!:( hope you guys can help xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question"JustHelpinAgain" he hasn't been annoyed hence why I really want to keep trying it... I trust him more than anything that's the only reason why I have allowed him to go near my bum hole! And it's not because only he wants to either I do too! Thank you everyone else for helpful comments and replies! Especially from the female bisexual reader! Yours was by far the most helpful comment! (Sorry I don't know your name) xxx
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male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (19 February 2013):
OP why do you think this is something you need to be ready for?? To make your bf feel good? Sure some people enjoy putting their fingers and other things up each other's anus, and its the subject of plenty of porn but for most people its not fun. Much more importantly is if your boyfriend is really getting annoyed with you over this then why in the world are you letting him anywhere near your anus?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2013): My experience on anal sex, (I'm Bi) is that the most important thing is to be relaxed, if you can't even do that then forget it.Secondly if you are relaxed get him to use his pinkie finger (nails cut) with plenty of lube and just touch/massage the area, again I stress you need to be relaxed, have a few drinks if it helps, if you contract your sphincter not even a needle would be able to get in there. By relax you almost have to slightly push out like your going to the toilet, I know it sounds gross but that is actually relaxing for that particular muscle.Eventually if he get's any part of his pinkie in, it will feel weird trust me. It will feel like you want to poop, and it can take up to a dozen times to get used to the sensation.From there it's a matter of gradually using more fingers and going deeper until your anus can fit his penis. Again I stress relaxing and the fact it may take several times before it feels normal but eventually for most people it can be pleasurable and is a totally different sensation to conventional intercourse for both men and women.If your really concerned empty your bowels, have a shower, you can even use a funnel/tube and let water go into your anus and let it all out to cleanse that area. If after a dozen or so times it's still uncomfortable then it may be that it was always just a fantasy and to leave it at that.
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female
reader, rbrownxo +, writes (16 February 2013):
 Some things are sometimes meant to be left for our dreams and imagination. Personally i think if you are struggling with this it might be an idea to lay the fantasy to rest, however I know that when you want something badly, you will try every means before giving up. If this is a deep rooted desire of yours which you don't want to give up you might want to try lubes that are muscle relaxers, because you have the idea of pain in your head when it comes to doing anal your body almost rejects your boyfriend from penetrating you to ensure you aren't hurt. So if you have your heart set on this you may want to forget the pain when the time comes and imagine the pleasure. You really need to consider lube, fingers and toys through to almost widen in a sense, cause there is no chance its going to work with no preparation before hand. Hope this helps hun :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2013): SO very confused is spot on, seriously hun anal sex hurts like a bitch and isn't generally good for the woman, those women in porn, they're not enjoying it, it's called acting.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (15 February 2013):
 Maybe you're having dreams about it because it's on your mind. Just fantasize about it and stop trying to force the issue. You can role play it and that may help it.
If you are asking for how to get an unwilling anus to be open to receptive anal sex, there are lots of sites with step by step instructions. http://www.scarleteen.com is one that has archived info. You can also search the archives here http://www.dearcupid.org/search
I'd take the pain as a sign it's not a good idea at this time. It doesn't mean it's off the menu forever, just for now, it's not working. Not a big deal, really, unless you choose to make it one.
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (15 February 2013):
 I don't understand why you want this so much? You know it hurts. It hurts for a reason (because the anus isn't designed for sex; it's an exit not an entrance).
Sorry I can't give any practical advise but I think you should consider why you want this so very much.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 February 2013):
 if fingering hurts you will never survive having even a small penis inserted into your anus...
give up the dream honey....
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (15 February 2013):
 You know, this really doesn't need to be a condition of your continued relationship and its success.....
Any chance that you and "boyfriend" can put this on "Hold" and leave it there for a while... and ressurrect it, sometime in the future.... and not let it be a big thing in your "relationship"??????
Good luck....
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