A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I need some help. New to dating scene again. Met a guy a couple of weeks ago who works as a dancer. We all met up at a bar afterwards. I gave him my #, he called a couple of days later looking to go out some time. However, I could not go out that weekend, because I had other plans. We never actually talked, he just sent texts. About a week later he called late asking to go out and I refused him again, because I had school.Long story short his messages where just what are you doing tonight. Last time he texted it was at 11pm looking for me to come over. I told him no. He never answered any of my q's and was very short. After I rec the texted at 11pm, I realized he was just trying to use me for sex. So, the following Weds, I sent him a text saying that I got the point with his late night texts and said that if he wanted to hang out or talk give me a call. No answer. I sent him another on sat, saying that I hope I did not come across as being mean and I would not be bothering him anymore.So, question is can I hang out at the bar I met him at once in awhile without looking like a stalker? I had made plans to go back to the bar and back to the stip club he works at before all this mess. Feeling akward about going to either places now. I am not mad at him, but I dont want to think of me as a pest.Thanks, so much!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2007): Thanks, for all the wonderful advice.
I also wanted to add that when he did ask me out, it was always for that night. And we never even talked, he would just ask what I was doing that night. I would try and chat but he would not repond really, so I know nothing about him to be honest. Also, when he made the late night text, I had said that I was going back up to that bar with friends & said that we could have a drink than, if he was free. No reply. Also, when I had texted back on weds calling him out on his late night text, I said that if he wanted to hang out or talk as friends to give me a call. no reply. I do not plan on texting him back and had let him know that I was not being mean and I would leave him alone. It's already been a month, since we have meet. I really like this bar though, so maybe I will give it more time and go back.
A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (12 March 2007):
 Hey you can walk into that bar with your head held high, you have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. You let him see HE was the sleaze ball and you knew exactly what his game was. Go into the bar with your friends and if he comes up to you then acknowledge him but don't encourage him now you know what he's after.
Eve
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2007): I should also add that when he asked me out, it was always for that night, no notice at all. Sometimes I would not hear from him for days & he never really talked to me, just asked what I was doing that night. When I responded to his late night text, I did tell him that I had plans to go back up to that bar & that we could meet up there for a drink if he was available. No reply. Also when I had texted back after the 11pm text, a few days later, I had said that I got the point of his late night text and that is not my thing, however if he wanted to talk or hang out as friends he could call anytime.
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (12 March 2007):
 I think it depends. Do you want to go back to the bar with the intention of picking him up again or just cos you want to go there with your friends? I think the reason he became short with you is because you rejected him so many times. I know you feel you had good reasons for saying no when he asked you out but the truth is at the start of the relationship is when you need to make the effort and he probably thought you weren't interested after you said no so many times. If you want to be with him then you need to make a big effort. Ask him out and then be available when he wants to see you for the next couple of times at least. If you just want to go to the bar with friends then by all means go. If he thinks you're a stalker that's his issue, not yours.
CD
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