A
female
age
36-40,
*izzyboo
writes:Hi everyone,First I want to apologize for this being so long but I wanted it to be clear. I have been with a guy for 7 years. He was my high school sweetheart and my first love. Our love for each other seemed to slack off a bit but I thought it was natural after 7 years of living together. But after we were married in October 2008 things seemed to change even more. He began lying to me and buying expensive things behind my back and then not paying our bills. I truely love my husband and want to be with him but I had to leave for my mental health. I left in January and we have been seperated ever since but we are still best friends and spend as much time as possible together. Recently we have been acting like we are 17 again and truely in love. I want to go back but I'm scared things will change back and he'll stop trying again once I move back in. Need some advice. Thanks.
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female
reader, lizzyboo +, writes (9 April 2009):
lizzyboo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much for you answers. Its nice to hear peoples reactions from an outsiders point of view. I do love my husband with all my heart and would do anything to save my marriage. I think couples counseling is a great idea. I have talked to my husband and we plan on looking into our possibilities. I also want to thank jezebel for her advice. I have also had the same experience about going back and things returning to the staus quo but I'm hoping this time by moving out and leaving for three months that maybe he took me seriously and realizes that he can't live without me. Thats what he says now but we can only wait and see. Thank you all for you support I'll post and update soon. xoxo
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009): Have you tried couples counseling? It sounds like he might have some commitment issues that are making want to keep secrets to assert his independence or something. If you both really want to make it work, couples counseling might be a way to get an outside perspective on everyone's motivations, get issues out in the open and for him to prove that he's willing to work for your marriage and therefore gain your trust.
PS - You're question's not long at all! Take a look, there are some thousand- worders on here;)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009): Before you move back in there are a few things that I would be sure of first. You see it sounds to me like he is completely comfortable and happy to be 'dating' you. But when it comes to the actual marriage then things go wrong. As you said you are acting 17 again. Thats all fine and good but you need a husband. You should have him proving to you that he can be a man and take care of his responsabilities as well as be there for you emotionally. I went through the almost exact same situation and time and time again I would go back and things would be changed for like a week and then go right back. Finally I just got fed up. I tryuly wish you the best here but please, protect yourself first!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009): Talk to him. If you and him are serious about getting back together, put your foot down with some basic rules and what you expect out of him. Give him a trail run. If he mess up, tell him that he did and he need to change. If he doesn't like it, he's not worth your time.
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