A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello, my girlfriend and I have hit a bit of a problem, and I'm a little worried about it. First off, she and I have been dating for a few years, though she broke up with me last year and came back to me last month. Any how, she and I were very happy together and I suppose I, as she said, "Tried too hard to keep her happy." And so a few days ago she told me she wasn't looking for a boyfriend and didn't want to be with me (or anyone) for a while. I broke up with her because I didn't want to force her to be with me if she didn't want to. I expect for her to come back to me when she is ready (Before we broke up she and I sort of suspended the relationship) and I don't know what to do. All of my friends are telling me not to fall for her tricks again, saying that she will just end up breaking my heart once more, but I really want to give her another chance. I love this woman so much, and she means the world to me. I don't know what to do, and if I do take her back, I'm afraid that I'll screw it up again. She and I are very young, in our mid-teen years, and I'm afraid I may get either too caught up in highschool and other priorities to do stuff with her, or that I will somehow end up wasting my efforts. She and I live in two different states, so the long distance makes it difficult, but we do text a lot, nearly all day (Even when we're only friends). Any advice, no matter how small, would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read this and help me.
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broke up, long distance, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (3 August 2012):
It is always problematic for me to offer teens advice. I myself never got much advice when I was a teen so I have no idea how a teen would react.
I suppose at this age it is possible to "try too hard" but it usually isn't enough for a logical and sensible reason. If this was all, then it should be talked about and both people learning how to solve the issue. Which leads me to think that maybe there is more going on behind the scenes. Realistically, you did not do anything wrong so do not blame yourself. It could be that maybe she became less attached to the relationship as, just like you, there are other life distractions. It could even be another guy, school or parents. Either way don't blame yourself because it doesn't seem like you did anything wrong.
Generally I think long distance IS possible but it is so much hard work that I'm not sure either of you are ready for. Your friends are right in that she is playing tricks with your heart. She should be more sure about what she wants before going into a relationship with someone. And you obviously do not deserve that. Not to mention this has happened before.
Either way if you want her back, the only way is to stop being available when she needs you, and get your own life back together. If you become too available then you will simply become a friend to her as she will gain the benefits of a boyfriend without the title. The risk in this is maybe this is what she really wants as well so she may actually become over you.
Well you love her, I understand, but life is short and there are many other girls out there. No one can take away the memories you shared together. Your friends do just want to see you happy even though they may not understand your feelings. But I am sure it is hard for your friends to hear you talk about love for a girl who treats you like this. There are nicer girls out there, and also nearer to you.
Take some time off and try to collect your thoughts. Think about the situation logically and seriously and consider all that has happened. Decide what you REALLY want and go for it.
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