A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am a 57 year old husband, married for the last 32 years. For the last couple of years my wife has been totally unloving (could be the menopause?) and I am tempted to seek closeness elsewhere. I love my wife dearly and fancy her to bits, she's gorgeous and gets admiring looks everywhere we go (she is 2 years younger than me by the way) but try as I might she does not respond and when we do have sex I can tell she'd rather not and is just doing it to keep me 'happy'. Even when I put my arms around her she pulls away every time. Every weekend I buy her flowers as I always have done and usually take her out for a meal and a little thankyou hug would be nice from time to time. A married girl 20 years younger I know through work but don't actually work with, is paying me attention as I have been helping her sort out some big work related problems and I feel she is impressed with me which is boosting my ego and we are becoming closer by texting a lot, originally all to do with work but now becoming more personal. The work related problems are ongoing so I have got to keep in touch with her until everything is sorted out as that is part of my role but now I am tempted to reciprocate her interest just to get some attention and morale boost as my wife is making me feel inadequate. There is no way I want to risk my marriage and I am still hoping my wife will come through this but I am desperate for affection. This girl says she is happily married to her childhood sweetheart but is showing a lot of interest and I'm finding it hard to resist her warmth and admiration (hope that doesn't sound big headed but she seems to look up to me). I just don't know what to do, we've only got one life and mine is miserable at the moment. I want to be giving all my love to my wife but she doesn't seem to want it. Please help.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 February 2009):
 PS I forgot to add, two worngs don't make a right. You are still married and so is the younger woman in question.
Turn that energy onto your wife. Talk to her. Don't start something you WILL regret.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 February 2009):
I understand your frustration. You have a gorgeous wife but she's lost her interest in sex ( or so you think) so it's easy to get flattered and tempted by a women who IS interested in you sexually. Everyone wants to feel sexually attractive.
The first thing you need to do is take some time and sit down with your wife and talk to her. Tell her how you feel, you might have totally missed something or misinterpreted it. Not all women looses their sex drive after menopause.
She needs to understand that you STILL find her attractive, sexy, that you get turned on by her. That you want to be faithful.
You need to be open about it. Ask her what she might be interested in sexually - fantasies, role play and that stuff.
I know of so many women who lost their sex drive NOT to age or bad self image but to getting lousy sex. Routine shags... Not that I'm saying, you don't do it right, but you need to get her involved. Sex is 50/50 but should be 100% satisfaction for both of you.
It can also be to a underlying medical problem she has not addressed yet or isn't aware of.
Good luck and have a great chat with her.
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (20 February 2009):
 You seem to be in a very tough spot here. Firstly have you spoken to your wife about these issues? After 32 years of marriage you should be able to talk to her about it.
And secondly think how you would feel if your wife had an affair don't do is to this other girls husband it's really not fair!
Flowers and dinner etc are lovely romantic gestures but some times a relationship needs more than that.... Communication! If talking between yourselves doesn't work try relationship advice or marriage guidance.
Good Luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPS I am ashamed to admit I have started sending her flirty texts and I like the boost it gives me with what she sends back.
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