A
female
age
51-59,
*iete
writes:How do I get over my online 'friend'?I'll try to keep a long story short. I have been with my husband for 11 years (married for 2). Two/three years after we got together I met one of his old friends. I fell for him straight away, and we started talking online regularly.We clearly have feelings for one another, and have admitted as much, but both of us are trying hard to do the right thing and not to let either of our partners down. He admits that his marriage can be tough, but that he has no intention of leaving, at least until his children are grown.But at the same time he tells me that he cares for me, and that he wants to be with me, although it will not be possible for a loooooooong time.I have tried repeatedly to remain 'boundaried' and to stay 'just friends', and when this didn't work I tried to cut off communication with him. But even when we don't talk (sometimes for more than a year at a time), I can't help thinking about him -- and we keep getting back in touch. Which leads back to the same place. Knowing how we feel about one another, is prolonging the hope that one day we really will be together - even though I know its not really likely - and it's tearing me apart.How do I get over this man?
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female
reader, StupidCupid73  +, writes (11 December 2011):
I feel your pain, believe me. I know the answer you will get from most people is to just cut off all contact -- and that probably will work the best. I also know how hard it is to do. Heck, it's something that I, myself, can't do, in my very similar situation. So, I guess my advice is this -- try to have as open a line of communication as you can with your "friend." Try to figure out what, exactly, he wants and what you want out of this relationship. There may be more common ground there than you think. Also, the prospect of having sex with someone new can be extremely intoxicating (I'm speaking from experience here) -- so realize that there is an element of that as well. This is unorthodox, but perhaps taking that step could help you both get it out of your system?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2008): I so know what you are going through....I need help as well....
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A
female
reader, tadala +, writes (25 July 2007):
 Sever all ties immediately. If you love your husband and he loves his wife, you two have no business carrying on this way. If you are unhappy in your marriage, perhaps consider a divorce, but waiting for a man who "has no intention of leaving," is a waste of your precious time.
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