A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am having a really hard time getting over my boyfriend, beacause i feel like i know that he loves me. I am only 24 and i have 2 long term boyfriends, one for 2 years and one for 3 years, and i thought i was in love but they didn't work out. My last boyfriend we had only been going out for 1 year when we split up, but the way i felt about him was completly different and i could tell it was real love not like the other two. When we got together we fell in love straight away, we were so happy. He told me i was the best thing that had ever happened to him. He used to be quite drunk all the time, and a bit of a "lad" and then when he met me he totally changed. He said he felt so much about me he knew one day we would live together and get married. All his friends and family said i was the nicest gf he has ever had i am so good for him, and bring out the best in him. we were so happy for 8 months, and then suddenly he changed. He stopped phoning me all the time, texting me, it was only when i made the effort first. And then he didn't want to see me as much, said that he wanted to be out with his friends all the time, and i would only end up seeing him once a week. it made me think he didn't love me anymore, and i when i asked him about it he said of course i love u, i said why don't u want to see me as much, he said he just wanted more space. we ended up the last couple of months arguing all the time, i think cos he wasn't the same as me, and i kept nagging to see him, and in the end he ended it sayying he didn't want a serious relationship, i was too clingy, and he doesn't love me anymore. He is only 21, and he told one of my friends that he didn't want a serious relationship. We have spilt up for 2 months now, but i still love him so much. I see him going out every weekend and getting drunk again, and it is like the way he used to be before he is with me. I know that i should think well its his own fault leave him too it. But i love him so much that i want to be with him and help him, and bring out the best in him again, cos it upsets me when i see him this way again. I am so scared that when he does grow up and want a relationship im not going to be the one. But i could tell from the start that we really were in love and he really did love me. I just really don't know how to get over him like i did with the 2 longer bf's i had, beacuse this thing of wanting to help him is holding me back.
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female
reader, Blue_Angel0316  +, writes (6 November 2008):
 First of all you really need to stop drinking. Getting drunk isn't going to solve anything. It could actually make matters worse as it can lead to depression. Being so much in love with someone who doesn't reciprocate the feelings is depressing enough.
No matter how you feel about him you must realize that what matters to him is how he feels about you. It's possible that he no longer loves you in that special sort of way or if you've been really nagging him he is trying to distance him from the pressure.
You need to give him the space that he is asking for. Sometimes people tend to back off real fast like when they feel like they are getting to close to someone. I am sure that he knows you are good for him however this isn't the only reason for him to stay with you. Falling in love with someone is sometimes a frightening feeling because it makes you feel a bit out of control of the situation. Perhaps he has been scared off because he doesn't want to commit long term. Chances are he loves you as a friend and just can't get the in love feeling for you. Whatever he feels if you leave him to think it over he may conclude that he loves you afterall. The choice will be his.
Don't chase after him, back off! Give him space and try doing your own thing. Go out with friends and try not to drink like a fish*LOL* You could wind up drowning your sorrows and creating more problems for yourself in the long run. Don't even give him the pleasure of thinking he's gotten to you like this. "Talk back trembling lips, burning eyes don't start crying. Heart don't let him know that he's getting thru to you.*Country Music Song...you have to be strong here. Sometimes when you let them know how much it hurts, they will just use it against you.
It you let up on trying to get him to see things the way you do, perhaps he will soon realize that he really had something special and will come to reclaim it. If not it quite possibly is HIS LOSS. BAck to the *FISH...there are more in the Sea so don't waste too much time trying to catch this one. Who knows he could be just a guppy and your next catch could turn out to be a WHALE....*LOL* Meaning bigger and better things could be out there waiting for you.
Pray for the best and be prepared to accept things and move on if he doesn't return. You have a long life to live, don't waste it being unhappy by chasing after a man who is probably running faster than you are.
God bless,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
A
female
reader, drama_girl +, writes (6 November 2008):
 hey honey...first of all i would like to say how sorry i am. I feel you. Love is not always a feeling, more like a choice. Its when you choose to love someone with the good and bad, no matter what. If you say you want him back and want to help him, you know what i say go for it, give it all you got and hopefully everything will work out, but if not, then you can't say you didn't try...cause if it doesn't work out cause he can't appreciate you, you won't have any regrets thinking what if i only tried. 'If' it doesn't work out, time heals...
Do the things that make you happy, enjoy life cause its too short, distract yourself with hobbies...everyone is different.
Good luck, let me know what happens...hope my answer helped you...its my fisrt;]
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