A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a dilemma at the moment. My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 2 years. I do love him VERY much. He was my dream guy before I got with him. But I have a problem, I'm 24 and am wanting to start a family soon and get married. I don't want to be having kids when I'm 30. He has told me once that he don't think he'll ever want kids and don't know about marriage. We've been having problems and I have asked him a few couple times why he is with me and every time it's either not the time to talk about it or he don't know. I have also asked him if he's in this for the long run and he has said only time will tell. This actually makes me feel a little insecure about our relationship and he knows this which I have told him. I know I want to be with him forever, but I guess he just might not feel the same. I would love to talk to him about this, but we have no communication whatsoever and I have told him we should work on that, but he insists that what we have is just fine.Now, I have just started talking to my ex. I do not want to see him, just talk to him for the time being. I broke up with him about 2 1/2 years ago to be with who I am with now, thinking he was going to stay my dream guy, but unfortunately things have changed, and not for the better either. My ex is willing to give me what I am asking for and it kinda makes me want to be with him knowing I will get what I want and he is willing to communicate with me. I really do NOT want to leave my boyfriend for anyone, but I know what I want and he doesn't want to communicate ANYTHING with me. Does anyone have ANY advice for me? I am so confused and would LOVE to just stay with my boyfriend now, but I know that I would want a family and marriage in the near future and I don't think he's willing to give that to me.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2007): Hi ;
Real love and marriage should be very simple ,he shouldn't
even need to think , he loves you , you love him, he
pops the questions, you get married, that should be it, it
is always that simple, and it should be .
Don't try to persude him , it will make things worse, would
you marry your ex if he keeps persuding you ? I think not.
He will marry you if he wants to , but he needs to make this
decision on his own.
My advice for you is to go out more, meet other people,
hopefully you will find the love of your dream, if not ,
it will help you getting through the current dilemma.
Best wishes
A
female
reader, Enzian  +, writes (16 April 2007):
 There are alway two for getting married and having kids. It doesn't work if only one part of it want to have it as soon as posible when the other part is not ready for it. There is not right for you to browbeat him to marry you and have kids with you. If he is just not ready yet and you are very sure you don't want to leave him, you have to wait for him.
On the other hand you are not bound to stay with him if he is not willing to say you why he is together with you. You have the right to tell him that you only want to be with a man, who is on the way to find out if you would be the right women for getting married in the future. There is no guarantee that he will marry you, but he should be disposed to check if you could be the one. There is still the option that he will find out that he can not imagine you as his wife. In this case he has to tell you and let you go to find someone else. But if he already knows that he will never get married and stills stays with you, that's not fair. He is just using you. In your stead I would leave him for this.
So think about what you realy want. If he is not able to communicate with you already before marriage, how will it be in a few years? If that could be something you could not life with, you should not marry this guy. There are lots of others very nice guys and there will also be one for you. Other questions you should ask yourselfe are: Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this man? Can you image him as the father of your children? Will he be a could husband and a good father? Are you willing to do everything for this man and just want to do your best for him to make him happy?
Don't just marry for having a family and kids. That will never work for a long time. Wait for Mr.Right. There will be one for you- I'm very sure! But maybe you have to wait a little for him. You will be much more happy to have a family with Mr.Right when you are already thirty, than getting married with the wrong one as soon as possible. To marry just for having a family, because you want to, is very selfish and is never going to work.
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