A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, Sorry this is sooo long. Please can I have some advice on the best way to get over someone, I do not want them back, well I do in a way, but I know I couldn’t go back, they have pulled enough shit, but I want to forget them and move on with my life. 100 percent, As I have believed they were my soul mate or a connection but it’s not enough as they are not treating me right never have and never will and I know deep down I could never go back after what they did, but I need to stop wanting them, thinking of them, letting them affect me and like said move on forever!I met this guy 10 years ago, when I was in my early 20’s. We fall for each other, BIG TIME! He had issues, with women, he would leave them, start one relationship without finishing another and is generally a screw up when it comes to treating women right, he then got married, My heart sunk when I found out, as since the day I met him there was this incredible spark between us, that still astounds me, we then had affair for 2 years, ( please do not judge, what happened, happened) he kept promising to leave the wife etc. He said he would get a flat for us and would sort it whilst I was away (I went travelling for 3 months with my girlfriends) I came back, was homeless as gave up my flat for him etc.… he didn’t have a place for us, was still living with her, we carried on, he didn’t speak to me all of Christmas, New Year made excuses, like a married man. I kept putting more pressure on him, we had massive row, year and half ago, then made up and then he walked out the morning after the row, took his guitar and up and leftAnd that was it, didn’t hear from him, part from one email a few weeks later to say I love you more than itself, but I am so scared your hurt me and I wanted to give you everything from the moment I met you (He remembered everything I was wearing that night 10 years ago) that he wishes he wasn’t such a screw up and it has always been me, the one ..... anyway, I replied but I then never heard anything. Then found out few months later, through mutual friends that he met someone the summer ( 2 months) after her walked out but could been the same time as me, who knows and anyway had left wife and moved in to a place with her... I actually found out through text messages on a friends phone from the girl, saying love you can’t wait to live with you, and the friend confessed was for him, as his (ex) phone was dead so the girl was texting his instead... I was heartbroken, as couldn’t believe he dropped everything and gave everything I had ever wanted with him, to someone else, when he claimed I was always his one! Anyway, I met someone, happy with, but still at back of mind felt something missing, that I was missing the one, my other half and I dreamed having his children and growing old with him. But he has, is, was treating me like shit. So then we ended up meeting on purpose at a friend’s gig and had massive talk (over a year later) he cried apologised, said still with girl and that he is not happy and only ever happy with me and that he hates confrontation and could not face it, that is why his been like he is and confessed bout debts and everything. And I know him, I know him very well, better than anyone... anyway we kissed and then I went home and then we started speaking again about us and being together and laughing and he said was coming back to London and I am going away to do a nursing course next year in a different city miles away and he said he would come etc, be our fresh start etc, then we met and slept together and was lovely and he said woke up happiest been in ages and anyway, we meet for lunch few weeks later, said he would contact me weekend bout doing something, and guess what he didn’t and now 3 weeks later and nothing, then recently in the last week, something tragic with family (which not going into) happened and I emailed him to tell him and nothing, now I know he knows, because he has been staying a bit with friends last week, and they have all been there for me and they all know.Now this is the final straw that broke the camel’s back, well didn’t just brake it, but kicked the crap out of it and killed it. I mean to not be there after everything at this time when in the 10 years I needed him most. Do you know he never ever called/calls me, only emails, it’s so f*ked up. I am 33 soon and I have wasted 10 years on this guy, I live in a room, on my own, with no one and nothing, as I spent all my time, waiting for him to have kids and move in with him, I put off my career....(thankfully I am moving to another city and starting it next year) I do see him for what he is, but what I need to know is how can I stop thinking of him, wanting to contact him (not that he reply) but basically, how can I burry him forever and for good, because sometimes I look at it, through rose tinted glasses Help pleaseThanks so much xx
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affair, christmas, debt, heartbroken, I love you, married man, move on, moved in, soulmate, spark, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): You know yourself you have given him ten years, now please don't give him 10 seconds more, if you don't before you know where you are it will be 20 years.Write a list of all the bad things he has done, no rose coloured specs and everytime you think of him because of course you will, read the listYou said your moving next year, so start to plan it, go out, if don't go out find things to do at home, invite friends rounds etc, above all don't sit in on your own thinking about him.
A
male
reader, passion1123  +, writes (26 October 2009):
Frankly you dont need help.U need a shoulder to cry on.U need friends.Well let me say this and girls hear this but never actually listen---"The guy who is not nice to waitor isn't nice to you"thats why"bad boys get good girls".he wasnt faithful to dozen others so wat do u expect--u arent from venus.Sorry but u belong here just like those dozen others.I am implying he is not dream to only u,he is to others 2. he is not dreamshatter for only u,he is to others 2.The moments were definitely beautiful,loveliest but U GOTTA STOP REPEATING IT IN UR MIND or u wont move on.10 yrs about him 10 yrs without him--life is too precious 2 b wasted like that.Set urself career goals..be committed to them..Best escape is make friends and be with friends.New friends.Not the one who remind u of ur past.Just the fun sort.And open ur mind only for ur career and ur new life partner and completely shut down him for once and for all
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