A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:About 5 months ago my gf at the time and I broke up. She initiated it but we both agreed it was what was best. It had been a long way coming. About a week later she starts dating one of her close friends, who I had been slightly jealous of because she spent so much time with him and talked about him so much. That hit me pretty hard, to be honest I would have preferred her to end up with ANYONE else.Shortly thereafter I realized that having contact with her was driving me crazy and there was no advantage to it. I took her off my facebook newsfeed so that I wouldn't see anything from her profile (unless I look it up). I haven't looked at her profile, talked to her, e-mailed her, bumped into her, or looked at pictures of her in probably 4 months. The exception being about a month ago when she IMed me to congratulate me on graduating college. We talked for about an hour and kept the conversation light.All in all I have had as little contact with her as possible but I still think about her sometimes. I have such terrible and conflicted feelings on the subject. She acted, by her own admission, like a total bitch during and right after the breakup. But she apologized and said she understands me being a bit bitter at how the situation turned out. I want to hate her, but I don't feel like that's being fair to her. In my head I hate her. I wish I had never met her and I wish that I never loved her.Let me make it clear that I do not want to get back together with her. I know that it is over and done and I will never be with her again. What gets to me is missing the time when we were truly happy. When things were good they were wonderful. We were happy and on top of having a great relationship the physical side of things was spectacular. I miss it and I find myself wishing I had never experienced it in the first place. The memories turn to poison.The worst part is that I know a relationship is the opposite of what I need at the point I'm at in my life. I've dated a few girls casually and have tried to live the single life in an effort to become comfortable enough with myself before I try something serious again. This means that I can't fix that hole I feel that she used to fill. I have tried everything I can think of to get her off of my mind. I hate that I ever loved her. I hate that she's incredibly happy with the one guy on the planet I would prefer she not be with (as much as I realize that is a selfish attitude). I wish I had never met her and I know that any attempt to enter a relationship with someone new would simply be me trying to patch up old wounds and wouldn't be best for me or whoever the girl might be.I know that time heals all wounds and that eventually these feelings will fade but no matter what I do I find myself missing her and hurting and it is driving me crazy. How can I get her off my mind? How else do I kill these feelings I have? How can I help the healing along?
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male
reader, lionelhutz +, writes (22 June 2010):
Sorry to hear how hard it's been but I would say you've done everything correct in terms of trying to forget her and move on. The only thing I can say is keep at it! If you don't want to start dating any woman right now, that's fine. But you should do something to keep yourself occupied; go out with friends, join a club, go on vacation, anything to take your mind off her. It's hard to forget someone who you once considered special, but don't give up.
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