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female
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anonymous
writes: ive been with so many guys, and my friends are starting to tease me about it.I just want to find the right guy for me.and I just cant every guy out there is my type or im not theres. What is wrong with me?guys say they think im hot/gorgeous/cute/pretty etc.and that they'd fool around with me but nothing moreso I took that as a whatever and I started to fool around with them, I mise well have fun right? if im not going to have a boy who likes me for me and wants to be with me then I mise well have all these cuties who just want me, for fun. After a few weeks, ive started to get feelings for one of them really strong feelings, and he saying he liked me all along, ive known him since grade 8 and im now grade 10, and i know he doesnt lie, but after I started fooling around with guys.. it just doesnt seem fun to have a boyfriend.Am i slutt?? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2006): You are in 10th grade, so are you about 14 or 15 AND you have "been with" so many guys? I am guessing you mean you have had sexual intercourse or oral sex or some form of sex play with all of these boys? And you wonder if you are a slut? What is your definition of slut? Do you know why that term exists, and why these guys are telling you that you are pretty and they want to fool around with you, but nothing else, meaning they don't want to date you or be your boyfrined?
Let me explain something to you my friend. In our civilized culture it may seem a bit unfair but girls who behave the way you do especially at your young age are considered sluts by the boys, and boys do not have any interest in dating or having a relationship that they will admit to with a slut...As unfair as it may seem they do not value what is easy to get (casual sex from you) they want a deeper connection based on intellectual connection, emotional connection and spiritual connection and when they only have the physical, then that is not very special to them when all of the other stuff is missing....in fact you become a WHOLE LOT less attractive to them when you put out in this way so soon.
You may be having fun, but your lament of why can't I just find a guy who is right for me, tells me that no you are not having more fun than the other girls, more drama maybe, but not getting what you really long for and want. You are unconciously seeking acceptance from these boys, when it yourself you need to be looking to for self acceptance...
Then there is the issue of your safety and health at risk by being so promiscuous, not to mention the possibility of an unwanted pregnancy, which will change your life overnight for the next 20 or so years. Do a little soul searching and ask yourself if you are on the right path, and consider this, guys want what they have to work for, and what is not easily theirs. They want to respect you, they want you to be selective and in emotional control of yourself, they want what you want which is a friend, and someday a deeper connection with a woman that they may call thier wife....Talk to a counselor, your mom, and aunt or someone with more life experience than you who can help work out some of your issues and figure out why you feel you need to do this for attention, love or something you are missing at home perhaps. Most of all be careful and respect yourself more, be kind to yourself, and realize that you are a gift, not some kind of service for these guys. Sorry to be so blunt, but you asked the question I hope to find out the truthful answer. Take care, dear.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2006): No, you're not a slut (unless you want that designation); however, if I were you, I'd try to change my habits if only for long term self preservation.
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A
female
reader, kerry +, writes (25 October 2006):
no your not a slut! i had the same thing happen to me for 4 long years i went from bloke to bloke hoping that one would what to hang around long enough to find out what i liked on my toast in the morning but no. But after a while i realised that i didnt need a man and that i was having more fun being single than my mates who were in relation ships, I could do what i want when i want only having to think about me. When i started thinking like that and enjoying myself i met someone and havent looked back since well only to realise that it wasbt that bad being on my own at least i didnt have to fight for my share of the covers. I hope this helps you, you have to love yourself before anyone else can xx
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