A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:HiI have recently brokem up with a guy whom I have been seeing for the past 2 years. I miss him terribly and desperately want to move on with my life.I am involved in social activities etc and I do meet other guys but the thing is there is just no form of attraction, (like nobody is good enough) I am just going through the motions.Would i ever find my soulmate, it seems as if I am hung up on this guy no matter how hard I try but I don't want to be. I want to find happiness and love again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo the poster, johnnyrockets...yes, i do believe that there is somebody out there for each one of us and by that I am in agreement with what u say in that 2 people who are soul mates totally support each other in their goals as well as being 100% there to support each other in the rough times. And yes again, I do believe in fate and destiny.But GEEZ....it sure takes a hell of a long time to find this MR RIGHT etc with all of these quallities and this is why i also agree with poster, rythmandblues......he has given me food for thought....there may be more than 1 soulmate out there for us..I never thought of that...)))Food for thought.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just wanted to thank you all for your comments. You have made me really think and focus on what I wanta. i prefer not to go into detais and have come to terms that I MUST move on and realize that it will take time...I took a very long time before I opened up to my ex and let him in...I just hope that it doesn't take as long for those feelings to return with someone else.
PS He was the first guy who I really let in but I HAVE TO LET GO as hard as it is for me....I know I have to.
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (7 September 2009):
 Reading your follow-up comments I see there's two negative connotations going on in there.
First: I assume he's saying life is normal and it goes on NOW that you broke up with him. So you take that as a "slight" or as if he said it to hurt you.
And you see this as it making you feel sad because you invested a lot of emotion into this relationship and he makes it seem as if you're insignificant.
Second: He may have said that to make you feel as if he's moving on in other words not to hurt you. But instead, you are taking it to mean the you were insignificant in his life.
Here's where trust and communications come in again. If you two have a chance, then you both have to be sincere with each other. No games. All trust. All heart.
But if the both of you can't do this one exercise, you are better off trying to move along in your life and find someone who really is into you, and more importantly, will truly love you, and likewise you can do the same for him.
Otherwise you need to take the time to figure out what in your heart of hearts it is that you want in a relationship and focus on attracting that kind of person and making him a part of your life.
Make some hard rules to follow and stick with them. You may have to filter out 50 guys before you find Mr. Right, but you would be best off finding the right man who really will become your soulmate. The way you've said it in your followup, maybe your ex boyfriend wasn't a soulmate after all.
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (7 September 2009):
I partly agree with rhythmandblues2's post with regard to moving on. It seems you are trying desperately to move on.
Yet, at the same time, you miss this man that you were seeing for 2 years.
Its hard to gauge what it was that caused you to break up with him. Moreover, we have no idea what he's thinking right now.
One of the problems with relationships is that people fail to take into account all of the necessary things that it takes to not only attract a partner, but also keep him or her.
Every relationship if its to evolve into a true loving relationship, requires a great deal of trust and communications, and plenty of attention. That's to name a few things. But all of that makes it into a 2 way street.
If you want to have your soulmate back, then you need to consider what went wrong, and perhaps reconcile with him and more importantly learn from your mistakes. Save the blaming and judging for the dust bin.
However all of that said, your remarks are so conflicted its hard to tell what you want.
This leads me to the next issue.
What in your heart of hearts, and you have to be honest with yourself -- what do you want?
If you want him back, then you need to work on the relationship and make it stronger and more rewarding for the both of you. If not, then you will hit the same rocky road that led you to break up with him this time.
Other than that, I disagree as far as soulmates.
People refer to the term being "soulmates" as people who share the same soul. I tend to think of it as two different people who have become so acclimated to one another that its almost like sharing the same skin together. Perhaps its a difference without a distinction, but as you can see obviously you and he differed on some issues and so finding that fit, as if you shared the same skin together, was missing.
If you can put a finger on that, then its possible to patch up your relationship and once again be in love again.
I could go through everything in the book, and believe me I wrote one on this, you need to spend a great deal of time and patience if you want it to work. No marriage is perfect and no relationship is perfect without going it together.
Remember, you stand side-by-side together and that in and of itself is one of the richest rewards you can claim. To do that, you two have to work for it. Then over time, as you mature together, you will feel as if you're sharing the same skin.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhy doesn't the guy feel anything and is life as normal, life goes on....that makes me feel all the more sad as i feel that whst i invested in the relationship was insignificant. It is as if I never existed and it hurts to feel this way,
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2009): When ever you break up with someone especially a long term relationship you are going to go through a grieving process and it can take up to a year to get through it all, so this is normal to feel this way.
The best thing for you right now is to not be in a relationship with anyone but yourself. You will have to face your feelings head on and deal with it, as well as turning your focus onto you and figuring out what you want to do with your life. You will have to learn to love being in your own company before you can really let love in again.
Lastly, I don't believe in soul mates. It implies that there is only one perfect love out there for each of us and this is a belief that makes people put their lives on hold in search of perfect love. It is an immature idea to believe that we can be loved perfectly by anyone, love is actually action, not a feeling, love is as love does.
So there are many soul mates out there for each of us, and in time you will find a new love, but now is the time for you to learn to love yourself.
Be patient with yourself and you will be better in time. It also helps to stop all contact with your ex as that just keeps you stuck and feeling badly.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2009): If you miss him so terribly and you feel like nobody else is good enough then what about this guy you were seeing for 2 years. Maybe things went bad in the relationship but a break up may fix it all. If you still miss him then start seeing him again and see how things go, maybe if you tell him why you broke up he won't make the same mistakes again. You were together for 2 years maybe he is the one who makes you the happiest. Seeing as you were together 2 years and you miss him tells me you still feel for him.
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reader, The Girl in the Green Scarf  +, writes (6 September 2009):
 Well I am currently going through the exact same thing for the most part except my ex left me acouple months ago after about a year and a half and it is really hard. But if you WANT to move on and you WANT to get over this then you can. Wanting to get over it and not keep trying is the first step, for me it took catching him in a lie before i saw the light. From how it sounds though you saw the light and got out which is inspiring and takes alot of strength. Its okay to miss the comfort and such of you ex but the only thing thats going to help in finding your soul mate is just letting it happen. It may involve putting yourself out there more or just letting them find you but you have already proven how strong you are. Take one day at a time and keep hope alive and i know you will fin that person whos right for you.
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