A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi everyone.this is going to seem a rather dumb post but its something i feel i need to get off my chest. from the ages of 12 - 18, i was a member of a karate club. i made a lot of friends there and was very close to a few members, including a boy i'd met. he made it clear he fancied me, he keep glancing at me and smiling, always came over to chat, always wanted to be my partner for exercises. we had several nights out as a club and we'd sit together and chat for ages about random stuff. when i was 16, we kissed one night and it was the most intense kiss i'd ever experienced, i had tingles down my spine and when we pulled apart, we both knew there was chemistry between us. however, he left the club about two months later and we haven't seen each other since. i'm now 25 and in a long term relationship and i've hardly thought about the boy i'm talking about, until i had a dream about him the other night, and now i cant stop thinking about him!i dont know where he lives now, i've never bumped into him and i cant find him on any social networking site. do you think i am being silly by wanting to find him again all because of a dream i had? i always used to tell myself that he was the one, because i've never experienced a kiss with anyone like i had with him, i just knew we had chemistry. any advice would be greatly appreciated. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2013): Firstly you're not silly.It sounds like you were lucky to have a really special experience with someone, and it's natural to think 'what if'But it's probably best to leave it at what it is, a nice memory you can treasure forever. The chances are if you met again now you wouldn't have the same feelings you had as a teenager, you've both grown up a bit now and are living your separate lives. I'm not denying it must of been a very intense feeling at the time and it's a memory that makes you happy but that's all it is a memory and a dream. There is a very good chance you may be looking back with rose-tinted glasses.You said you're in a long term relationship now, so you need to think of how your boyfriend would feel if he knew you were pursuing an old flame from the past when you should be happy with him. Maybe there's something lacking in your own relationship that's making you think of your old teenage crush this way - maybe you're missing the excitement of a budding relationship, the 'chemistry' as you put it, I don't know, but it's something you need to think about and work on in your existing relationship before you think about going in search of the guy from the past.The most passionate and exciting relationships anyone has in their life time are the ones that were cut short - the ones we may still think about from time to time and wonder 'what if?'I've had two of these relationships myself and I consider them as 'fleeting encounters'. One was a boy I met on holiday and spent a week with, never to see him again. The second was a boy I met through a friend who moved 200 miles away and I lost contact with. I would LOVE to re-live those memories and I am occasionally curious as to what those two boys are up to these days. But deep down I know that it was in the past, and that I need to live my life and be happy with what I have now in the present.My advice would to be to look at your life and your relationship this way, and if you find you're not satisfied with your present situation, don't go chasing after the past, make changes for the future. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2013): It's not silly, it's actually pretty rare to read a story like this these days where there is serious chemistry and you haven't jumped into bed with each other in the first couple of months of meeting each other! Good on ya! ;) Yes you may dream about him and maybe he is the greatest guy ever for you. HOWEVER you're going to drain yourself of emotion and just frustrate yourself if you get onto this spiral of always thinking about him. It's not the same but 4 or 5 few years ago I discovered Jas Mann from Babylon Zoo.. I was FIXATED. I wanted to know everything about him, I would spend every free moment researching him on google, YouTube, I was convinced that I was going to go across the earth to the Mojave desert or wherever to be with him... MAD HUH? Lol! The point I'm making, I would still LIKE to meet him, I still find him fascinating but I didn't put my life on hold for all these years pining over one person... Entertain the idea but don't become fixated. Why not do a bit of detective work? :) Talk to old contacts, have a nosy on Facebook, my friend is great with this, she can find anyone's number! I think these days fb is your best bet, believe me. Also try looking in phone books, googling stuff, heck maybe even go by his old house just to see if any of his relatives live there, pretend to be collecting for charity or something!! I did this with my friend once cos i wanted to see if the guy i liked lived there... we had such a laugh! it means something special to you, who cares if anyone calls it weird ( but better to keep it between you and friends, you tried and you'll have a laugh doing it! ;) This is touching and I wish you all the luck in the world :) xx
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