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I want to feel good about myself around him but I really feel like a failure. Any advice?

Tagged as: Dating, Gay relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 April 2007) 2 Answers - (Newest, 30 April 2007)
A male United Kingdom age 51-59, *owdown writes:

I'm a gay man and I've been seeing a guy now since mid November last year. He's good looking, works as a fitness instructor and is very trustworthy. He's honest about his feelings and emotions and I initially found this difficult, but I'm getting used to it now. I've not been in a relationship for over 5 years and the longest one I had was for the same amount of time. He died while we were still together. The partner that died encouraged us to have an open relationship. That was over 10 years ago. Since I've been with this new partner I've not been unfaithful. I have not intention of straying. My new partner is very talented artistically and can pretty much turn his hand to anything. I, on the other hand am in a job I don't particularly like, living in an area that I've seen change for the worse over the last 10 years. I am in debt and am about to go into a long term plan to pay these debts back over the next 5 years. It brings me down, making me snap at him and I hate myself for it. He is one of the nicest, if not THE nicest guys I've been out with and I know it's all about being jealous. I want to feel good about myself but I just feel like a failure next to him and that he'll get bored with me and leave me (we're not living together). How can I feel better about myself?

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A male reader, Rowdown United Kingdom +, writes (30 April 2007):

Rowdown is verified as being by the original poster of the question

SpainGirl,

Thank you for the cheerful advice! I have actually now been to my GP for some anti-depressants and have registered for some cognitive therapy sessions over the next few weeks. Some people may shy away from taking drugs for depression but I did have a short spell 5 years ago and I found them to be very effective. I do get what you say and he has acknowledged that we do need our own time, so we are working on this now.

Thanks again,

Rob x

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A female reader, SpainGal United Kingdom +, writes (27 April 2007):

SpainGal agony auntHmmm tricky one.

It sounds more like a, 'I want to BE him' Rather than a, 'I want to BE WITH him' Relationship.

My advice is to have some, [[Cliché here]] 'You' Time. Maybe shape up abit, buy some new clothes or get a haircut.

Next time you see him, look your best and feel as fantastic as you can.

Just think, your his partner, his equivalent. =]

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