A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a bisexual guy living in a fairly homophobic area. When I approach a woman obviously there are a lot of factors at play in whether she will be interested in me, but as the overwhelming vast majority of the population are straight, whether or not she's attracted to men is not something I usually have to worry about.Now in my Mid 20s I've decided I want to embrace my same sex attraction more, however I lack experience with guys. One thing that really holds me back is before I even get to, "do we share the same interests, would we be a good fit" etc I have to work out, are they even into guys, as the overwhelming vast majority of men, are not. How do I go about this, other than stereotypical generalisations, "oh hes sporty and drinks beer" so probably straight, "he likes nature and is softly spoken," could he be gay? (both those statements actually describe the same person for example)I don't want to be too open, around here if you ask someone if they might be gay its taken as an insult, I also don't really want to go to gay only spaces if I can help it, and I want a meaningful relationship, not a quick hook up on Grindr. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2020): Some people try to make it harder than it is. I didn't start having sex with men until I was 50. I'm also in an area I assumed was homophobic, but found over the years by placing ads on Craigslist, Manhunt, and Silverdaddies, there are plenty opportunities available locally. Although Craigslist outlawed personal ads, I still get my most hook ups there. I don't know your intentions, but mine is strictly for the sex. Yes, I have become good friends with some of the guys I suck off, and have three guys who stop by weekly to get a blow job or to fuck me. We all enjoy the arrangement without entanglements. I would recommend you try several partners to find one you are most sexually in tune with.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2020): No-one has responded to your post; so allow me to offer you a little wisdom.
You just presume there are no bi or gay-men in your area; because you can't tell (or ask) if they're into men. All gay-men do not ascribe to the "live out and proud" ideology. Some are very discrete; and share their sexual-orientation with only a select-group of family-members, friends, colleagues, or co-workers. It's not shame or shadiness, just discretion. That's a rare mindset in these days and times; when you can go online and publicize even the most intimate details of your personal-life! With all the pics to your heart's desire; displaying even the most graphic details and activities!
Many gay-people ostracize and condemn people they consider "living in the closet;" forgetting it's up to you, as to whom you wish to disclose your sexual-orientation.
The truth is, there is no requirement to put it out on public-notice. Not everyone cares or wants to know!!! Considering the mere fact straight-people don't have to carry a banner or shout from the roof-tops that they're straight! Like you, everyone assumes you're straight; unless you stereo-typically prance around with a limp-wrist and a lisp.
Labeling people according to stereotypes is dangerous and unfair. I'd go as far as to say it is stupid and quite ignorant. If you're clean-shaven, you dress meticulously, and there's never a hair out of place; people rush to the conclusion you're gay. That's why metro-sexual males who like to be dapper and fashionable are confused with gay-men. You don't just walk-up to a guy and ask him if he's gay. There are some soft and somewhat delicate-men, completely heterosexual, who get harassed by other straight-men who assume unless you're obviously masculine...you're a sissy! Well, there is no special code or secret-handshake we use to identify our sexual-orientation; some will only tell, if asked. Some you don't ask, and they won't tell. Some just tell you so you won't have to ask. Some will blatantly come-on to you, and you'll know then and there! I don't particularly care for those types. Coming on hard and flirting with people who aren't receptive to it is crossing the line!!!
You have the advantage of gay-sites to find gay-dates. You can localize your search; and you don't have to go on hookup-sites like Grindr, or worse.
There are more discrete sites, and more average run-of-the-mill free-sites that just let people meet people of the same ilk.
It's less risky knowing right off the bat whom you're dealing with; rather than trying to guess what a guy's into, you've randomly met in a bar or a club. I suggest knowing upfront.
It's much safer.
There's this thing where bi's only want to meet bi's. Well, try and find a place where the clientele is so select; and hope they're telling the truth. There are homosexuals who claim to be bisexual; and unless they perform sexual-intercourse right before your eyes with a female, you can only take their word for it. Nine out of ten times, they are gay; and just want guys who are "straight-acting" and "straight-looking." If that's what you want, specify so in your profile. You get raised-eyebrows, side-eyes, and squints...people wrinkle their noses to see such specifics; but hey, if they don't fit the criteria...don't bother! Like-it or leave-it!
You choose who you want to hang with once you get to know who they are; and if they meet your criteria of a personality-type most compatible with your own. It makes no sense to me, that he has to be unequivocally and most-definitely bisexual; yet you want to go man on man with another guy. Technically, that's gay! Unless it's one of those situations you want to swing both-ways, with a girl in the middle. Seems logical to me, that you specifically want a guy who likes guys; but doesn't act prissy and girlish, because you prefer a masculine-guy. Gay-men come in all-types, and many are not visibly or noticeably effeminate. Not even fems like to be with guys more effeminate than they are. Go figure! Bottom-line is; when you embrace your gay-side, the behavior is homosexual.
The gay-bar scene is a dying venue; and people mingle in any gay-friendly place they can find. I don't suggest hanging-out in clubs; because bar-flies and club-types are usually party-people you just can't take seriously. They're out to have fun, and don't want to be helping you come out of your closet; or trying to drag them into a serious-relationship. Just because you've met, had sex, and you both just so happen to be into men.
I think your best and safest choice is seeking a popular, but non-hookup site, that caters to bisexuals, and gay-men in particular. Nowadays the sites are more open and inclusive to gay-men and gay-women, and everybody else in-between. You can take your chances trying to figure-out a stranger, but I hope you're good at physically defending yourself. You can't just walk-up to a stranger and assume things about him. Nobody's gaydar is that good!
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