A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi Cupid I would like some advice regarding a guy. I developed a crush on a personal trainer at my local gym. I don’t know how it all started but I attended a lot of exercise classes and he would teach these classes. I found myself naturally talking to him and then developed a bit of a crush towards him. Over time he noticed me, he was friendly towards me and would pay attention towards me. In the early days, he wanted me to ‘like’ his fitness Facebook page so I joined his Facebook page. I remember on one occasion he couldn’t make it for his exercise class and I messaged him through his Facebook page and teased him for not showing up. His mobile number was public on his fitness Facebook page. Then we started messaging each other and there was a bit of flirting. It was too early to say if there was anything there between us. He always noticed me in the gym. At the time I did remember that I did like him, but my sister wanted to hire him as a personal trainer and she didn’t think it was professional of him messaging me whilst she hired him. Plus she didn’t think he was suitable for me so I stopped messaging him to please my sister and so that my sister could hire him as a personal trainer. I didn’t really want to stop messaging him. Then he met someone else at the gym which I wasn’t happy. Then it progressed into a relationship. I focused on a friendship with him. We did talk at the gym. As time has goneby I have tried to see him as a friend but deep down my attraction for him has never gone away. I have always liked him. I have tried stepping back from his exercise classes to move on. He has noticed me not attending his exercise classes. Having the lockdown and the gym shut for months helped me to move on from him but I did reach out to him during the lockdown and asked him if he was ok. He didn't recognised my mobile number. I felt he wasn’t very communicative with me. He made less of an effort and then I realised maybe we can’t be friends so I deleted his mobile number on my phone. I've never texted him again.Since returning to the gym I have decided to focus on myself but it has been hard to work out as the exercise classes have been temporary cancelled. It’s been hard to motivate myself. I’m not really enjoying working out by myself. When I first saw him again, his face lit up. He complimented my hair. We talked for a while. I felt nervous talking to him and I am finding myself liking him again. I feel that I can’t pretend to be friends with him when I like him more than a friend. I don’t think he’s with his girlfriend anymore. So I have decided to change gyms as I want to try different exercise classes and I think joining a new gym would be a fresh start for me. I went to the gym today and he came over to talk to me. I told him that I’m going to leave the gym. He asked why and I said since returning to the gym. My experience hasn’t been the same anymore and I’m fed up working out on my own as I miss the exercise classes. He suggested I work out with a friend and they are planning to bring back the exercise classes this month. I explained I wanted to try different exercise classes. Then he said he’ll be sad to see me go but I should do what feels right for me. Then he said you have my mobile number and I can message him about fitness. Am I right in thinking, if this guy really likes me and wants to stay in touch with me he would have asked for my mobile number? I told him that next week would be my last day. My question is how should I leave things with him when I say goodbye to him? Thanks for your advice!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (6 September 2020):
 In my experience, most personal trainers in gyms are always flirtatious with their clients, it keeps the clients coming back.
You say he asked out another gym member and they started a relationship. Think about this for a moment, why didn't he ask you? Maybe you're not his type or maybe he's just not that into you.
The honest truth is, if he had fancied you enough to want to go out with you he would have asked you.
As I see it you have two options, you can ask him on a date or on your last day you can just leave.
Either way, you're leaving so if you ask him out and he declines your invitation for a date then although you may be a bit embarrassed you don't have to see him again so who cares. If you decide to just leave, then do just that, leave.
I hope this helps ABx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2020): Just go. He's only being polite, because he doesn't want to lose a paying client. You're turning this into a drama, but it's not that intense.
Move on. I hope you enjoy the next gym for what they offer; and keep a professional and distant-relationship with their employees.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 September 2020):
 I think your sister is correct in saying it is not professional for a Personal trainer to be all flirt with his clients. However, THAT is how they do business.
And IF this guy had be OH SO into you, he wouldn't have started dating someone else, he would have come to you directly and asked you out or asked if things were OK. He didn't.
He wanted YOU to join his Fitness Facebook to drum up business and POSITIVE reviews and comments, he knew you took a lot of his classes and obviously enjoyed them.
I think your imagination is running ahead of you. JUST because he is NICE to you, talk to you doesn't mean he wants to date you or anything romantically. Flirting over texts is fun (for him) but again, doesn't mean he wanted or wants more.
He is a guy who picks partners from a really shallow pool, THE gym he works at. Kind of unprofessional...
I have met quite a few personal trainers and they were ALL, very very friendly. It's how people get to open up and do harder, work harder for their approval. And it works.
Switch gym. And if you again find yourself romantically interested in a guy (from a gym or elsewhere) ASK them out?! All this longing and crushing on someone from far away is kind of pointless. It's all fantasy. There is nothing of substance.
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