A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, I have been seeing a guy nearly 6 mos. We have been getting on really well and have a lot in common. He has been through a bad time in a past relationship about 5-6 yrs ago and was on antidepressents up to just a few weeks before I met him. He had'nt been out or socialising while on his medication, but now with the summer here I would like to get away for a few days or even get a holiday. when I suggest doing things together he clams up and scuttles of back to the "safety" of his own house, where the only person who has spent any time there with him recently is me. i dont know how long i can wait for him to start feeling secure, or if he ever will! I do think alot of him but I'm such a social person this is driving me insane. He has no problem with me socialising without him but I would rather be doing it with him Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2011): Mmm, that is hard and i think you've done well in being so patient so far. But i think you need to suggest councelling or something too him, maybe even talking to you about what happened in his past relationship - a person always feels freer when they let it all out and share with someone. I think one thing you need to make sure he knows is you're not the same girl as his ex, you're an entirely different person and he should be able to trust you but you need to show understanding it's going to take him time to make himself vulnerable to someone else again. Perhaps, take it slowly start getting him out in public bit by bit. Maybe go out to a cosy little cafe for a few hours, one that's not too busy and then a restaurant, then your local pub and then start introducing him to one or two of your mates who know about his 'behaviour' so they'll be sensitive to it. Hopefully that'll work. But i'm afraid if nothing works with him, you may have to end the relationship because if you're really social and he shows no signs of being like that - you'll end up getting angry at him for it, he may not be ready for a relationship yet.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2011): A bad past relationship that was years ago probably shouldn't be affecting him so greatly that he fears leaving his house. I think there's an underlying issue here, one that anti-depressants can't help.
Talk to your boyfriend about it and explain that you really want a holiday and really want him to come along. If he still refuses, go away on holiday yourself, and use some of your relaxation time to decide if you want to be committed to this homebody or if you want to go out socializing.
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