A
female
age
26-29,
*urseAbbi
writes:Hi I'm a 17 year old female (18 in November) from the UK. I have a male "friend" who I want to date but he's 9 years and five months older than me, he knows I like him and feels the same way. He feels guilty about his feelings for me and is constantly worrying about the way he feels for me, I have tried to reassure him which has helped a little but he still hates himself. My "parents" (Biological Grandparents) have even talked to him as my "Dad" (biological Grandad) is his martial arts instructor, this hasn't helped. I don't know what to say or do to make him feel ok about this, he feels so uncomfortable around me admittedly I may have unintentionally made things worse by "interfering" with him, I would greatly appreciate any advice on how to deal with the situation (please don't joke around he is very distressed). Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 October 2016):
 He has issues with it because he is aware that you are not legally an adult yet. You might not see the problem but he does. He seems to want to stay away because off the age gap. Sweetie you should just leave him to it and let him contact you if he wants. Give him some space to work out what he wants.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2016): Wait until you're an adult, be careful, and good luck.
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A
female
reader, MartiJJ +, writes (24 October 2016):
 There are nine years between my husband and I so I don't see any issues here, it's all down to how mature you each are, my mum told me at sixteen (the legal age where I'm from) that she'd have been happy for me to have gotten engaged had I wished it, simply because she knew I had a great head on my shoulders, I didn't as I'd decided for myself to wait until I was 18 before having an intimate relationship, likewise my sister in law started dating her 28yr old boyfriend when she was 16, they have been married for 18 years now and have four children, perhaps your beau would be more comfortable if you stayed just friends until after you are 18, that said I'd like to take the opportunity to say there's a huge difference between being physically ready for an intimate relationship and being emotionally ready, consider how you might feel after a few months of dating this person he breaks up with you because of others judgements! And could you cope with any of your family's reservations without getting very upset? If your beau's intentions are honerable and he genuinely cares for you then I should think in time people will come to accept it!
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (24 October 2016):
 It's not wise because it's a huge gap at your ages. If you were 32 and he was 41, it wouldn't be such an issue, but even 25 and 34 would be quite a big gap in life stages.
Accept this as a crush and let go. You're at two very different points in your lives and they wouldn't be compatible.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (24 October 2016):
 He isn't OK with it because he still sees you as a "kid" and he knows him being 26 is a BIT old to be dating a 17-year-old.
So if I were you I'd back off and let him sort through this on his own. If both YOU and your "dad/grandfather" have given him the go and he is still hesitant, then don't push for more.
BE the mature one and back away.
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