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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Opinions please!!! So I am newly out of a long term relationship, and after it was over, but before I was moved out a met a guy. I was attracted to him physically but that was about it. Anyways long story short we ended up hanging out, talking, texting and I started to like this guy. Then he tells me he has feelings for me but him and his ex are kinda seeing each other. We kept hanging out casually. We have only hugged he's very respectful and a really good guy it seems. He helped me move some of my stuff... We are just friends until he figures out if him and his ex are going to get back together or not. In the mean time my interest in him has grown and even though I am freshly out of a long term relationship I want to date this guy. And I feel that he has the same feelings for me but is trying to be respectful and give me time. What do I do? He so far is the type of guy I would think of getting very serious with, and although I don't at all feel he is a "rebound" I don't want to rush things. How do I handle this? Should I be honest about my feelings and tell him I want to date him and see where it goes, or do I keep my distance and give it time? I feel he thinks my distance means I am not ready and not as attracted to him, when really I am just trying to be respectful of him. I feel neither one of us is going to take that first leap... And if need be I'll be the one to do it.... Your thoughts????
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female
reader, Amycoffeegirl  +, writes (27 July 2016):
In my opinion, I think you should express your feelings now, and as honestly as possible. Over time you may not feel the same way, so there is no time like the present to be honest with him. The worst that can happen is that he just does not feel the same, and the best may be that a new great relationship can begin. But there is always some risk with expressing your feelings for someone, in that you may get rejected. However, to me, it is a worthwhile risk since the end result may be great, and if you do nothing you could end up with nothing. Good luck and try to be positive about everything.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 July 2016):
 He may still be seeing his ex, but if he is looking for someone else then his heart must not be in it with her anymore. If you like him then tell him, there is no harm in that. Be sure to take it slow and get to know each other, but do not do this until he has finished with his ex.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2016): You both are feeling rebound feelings for each other. Looking for a safe-place once you leave your present commitments.
He's seeing someone, so he's cheating on that person psychologically. You have romantic-interest, you admitted you're physically attracted to him; and he says he has feelings for you. So, that's cheating. The caveat is, he's telling you to wait until he decides his old relationship is over. Well, this could take a long time, if it ever happens. You're getting attached in the meantime.
You don't wait on-hold. That's how you become the girl on the side. Why are you breaking-up with one guy, while setting yourself up with a guy cheating on his girlfriend? How would you feel if you discovered your ex-boyfriend was cheating on you, with someone waiting on the sidelines? I would even venture to guess cheating is one of the reasons, if not the reason, of your breakup with your ex.
Hopping from one relationship to the next is usually what people do to avoid dealing with the pain of a breakup. The problem is, rebound feelings wear-off. It starts out hot sexually, and fizzles-out as soon as everyone gets used to the novelty of having sex with someone different.
I don't recommend you date anyone seriously until you have given your breakup a few months, because your residual-feelings will still catch up with you. His girlfriend will not allow him to wash his hands of her; and immediately start dating someone else after putting her through emotional hell struggling to save their relationship.
Good luck if you think it's going to be an easy transition.
In the end, he still may return to her if he left her.
He in so many words let you know he still loves her.
He'll keep you in mind. How gallant of him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2016): Now is as good a time as any to start something, so take it from there!
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