A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I had written in here a few weeks ago. I broke up with the guy who I was dating. Since I do not date much, it's been increasingly difficult to not cry because I got attached. He was super cool, casual about the whole thing. He moved on very quickly.I am happy for him. His daughter left her slippers in my place. He wants to get it. I told him I won't be able to meet up with him. Because I have barely dated,I won't be able to look at him without tearing up. He got irate and said I was talking about the slippers ,why do you have to talk about your feelings? In the end we decided that I will leave the slippers outside the door. Am I wrong in not wanting to see him. My mistake is I got attached had really quickly and I consider that as a read flag for him.I can see where I went wrong but I am trying to heal. Is it alright for me to say my feelings got involved and looking at him would be too painful. Is he right? Am I making a huge deal over some left over slippers.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2016): Hi honeypie,
Thanks for the reply.I have blocked him on Facebook,changed my number not that he was calling or messaging regularly. I tried to argue over text and mails about the ex thing and it pissed him off.
I realized he never cared about me. But I don't want to stoop low to his standards where I am not considerate about someone else's feelings,return gifts and hurt them. It's alright. So he didn't feel the same way about me the way I felt about him. No worries. Life goes on.I am still not willing to see him though. No mails or anything from him.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 July 2016):
 Make sure you block him on your phone and social media afterwards as well, don't let him try and jerk you around any more.
And OP, I think there is a silver lining here, YOU dodged a bullet with him, he seems a totally uncaring kind of guy who expects other (or maybe just women) to fall in line to please him. SCREW that! and SCREW him!
Also if he has been to your place, go over it with a fine tooth-comb so he have NO reason to just show up and ask for the "plastic spoon" he left at one point. If there is anything else (even a gift to you) put it in the bag with the slipper and "wash" your hands of him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2016): Thanks so much female anon. Those were really kind words.
I broke up with him because he was constantly texting his ex while he was our on a date with me. How much ever attached I was, I found it difficult to digest. I kind of shutdown. When I tried to explain how I felt he was extremely rude and harsh to me. He said he owes me nothing because we were just dating. That showed me that he didn't care for me at all.
Now with the slippers, the way he spoke to me it's really obvious that he didn't care for me even bit. You are right, if he wants to avoid all the drama,he could have just bought his daughter new slippers. That's exactly what I thought. With all the gas money involved in coming and getting them,he could have bought new ones. I need to heal,get myself together and live life happily without being dependent on a man. I learnt my lesson.I am just going to leave it outside
my door. You are right.He need not rub my face in it by showing up. He knows I got attached. I was honest. All I got in return was cold hearted ness. It was not working for him. He wanted a stop gap arrangement while he healed from his ex. When I said I deserved better than that, he taunted me " Always wanting more"
He is very handsome. So he gets lots of attention. So for him me or my feelings wouldn't even matter.
It hurts very bad.
Ciar thanks for the reply. That was pretty supportive too. If my feelings are not a big deal and he said to hell with my emotions, leaving the slippers outside the door shouldn't be an issue at all.
To Blue: I refuse to spend one penny on a guy who seems like he never cared about me.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (24 July 2016):
 Send them to him
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (23 July 2016):
 You're not making a big deal out of it. Your feelings may be/have been stronger than his and limiting your exposure is a sensible and logical approach.
Leave the slippers outside the door, then go and watch a movie or something. You don't need to speak to him and if he doesn't see the big deal in all this then he shouldn't see the big deal with you not speaking to him either.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2016): It's not uncommon if you haven't dated much to attach to someone who you feel has the same feelings .. since his daughters slippers were left at your house I assume that he brought his daughter there at some point to your home for sleepover etc ..So I can see how maybe things moved real fast and you thought ..yes, this is going good only to have the rug pulled out under you ..so to speak .. He is being hurtful with his comments. . You have every right to be upset if he didn't want you to become attached then he too takes responsibility. . He does have the right though to say .. hey this isnt working for me .. but to say I don't want to deal with your feelings .. well to me it shows your well rid .. If he wasn't wanting to rub your nose in it .. He could have bought his daughter a new pair of slippers. .I would leave them at his front door.. and just leave and then block him .. If he doesn't want all this drama then date without introducing family until you are serious that my advice .. Next time play it cool .. If the guy goes meet my family at the beginning say I really want too but it's little too soon let's take it slow You haven't done anything wrong in admitting he hurt you .. I'm a mental health nurse and it's best to be open you now have the strength to say I will let him hurt me no more and give yourself time you will heal. . Every winter has it spring and you will thaw ..Next time just go slow sweetie .. chin up and we are here
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2016): I dated the first guy for 6 months. It was easy to walk away in the end because he used me for my money.
This is the second guy I have ever dated. One of my friends once joked that a 15 year old here would be more experienced than me. My first marriage was arranged and physically abusive. So I never fell in love with him.
Honey Pie, you are right. I am babying myself. The relationship was never serious atleast from his end. But I have realized that dating is not for me. There are lot of other ways to live life happily.
But I can't bear to see him. I will put out the slippers and make sure that I don't contact him again.
Thanks for taking the time to reply.I appreciate it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 July 2016):
Are you making a huge deal? Kinda, but maybe you can't HELP how you feel. And if you don't want to cry seeing him, just put them in a bag and hang them on your front door knob.
On the other hand, MAYBE it should be part of your healing process to NOT hide from things, but actually DEAL with them head on. You are in your 30's so you have fallen for and broken up with a guy before, I presume. I think you need to stop babying yourself (sorry that if sounds so harsh, but that is the best expression I can find). You are not 15 anymore, you SHOULD be able to deal with these things and not fall apart, otherwise HOW will you be able to date in the future if you fall apart like this over a relationship that obviously wasn't THAT serious (at least on his side).
Personally, I'd woman up and deal with it head on and NOT let him see how much he affected you. I think (at least for myself) I would find it easier to move on, knowing that I CAN do that.
But if you rather NOT do it, then don't.
After he get those slippers... BLOCK and delete his number and ALL access to his social media.
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