A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:It seems like many people fall in love the very first time they meet. From what I know, a lot of guys approach girls they don't know and ask them out. I have this one friend who's like a master at attracting guys. She would talk about how she and this guy got to know each other and he took her out on that very day they met. She also attracted this guy and he thought she's hot so he took her home and they had a sleep over. I'm not saying I want to fall for a guy that easily me on the other hand, I've never had a guy I don't know come up to me and show interest in me or ask me out except this one time in college this really ugly guy asked me out and not to sound mean, I was pretty offended. I think I am just really really ugly. What can I do, I don't even have that many guy friends? I always see girls hanging out with their guy friends and it really makes me jealous. The only time a guy asks me out is when I become friends with him and we really get to know each other. I know this is a beautiful thing, but I really wish more guys would show they are interested in me the first time? Guys never tell me they think I'm cute or hot or whatever... Should I start going to clubs or something?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2013): thank you for your answers
A
female
reader, YoungButNotNaive  +, writes (10 October 2013):
 You could try clubs, but more than likely you'll only meet the wrong type of guy. I would actually feel pretty lucky if I were you. You may not attract guys initially, but they like you in the long run. You said yourself you get asked out if you've been friends with a guy for awhile. It means they view you as worth holding onto. Other women may grab their attention at first, but can they hold it? Many women make the mistake of sleeping with a guy too soon, and then wonder why he loses interest. Most guys simply don't respect women who do that. Even if she has a great personality, the guy will never know, because she won't get a chance to show him. He's already moved on. You should also know that just because you're not attracting guys initially doesn't mean you're ugly. Apparently, you're just not approachable. A woman who believes she's ugly is not confident, and it shows. If you're not showing any signs of being interested in a guy, he won't show interest in you because he'll feel like it'd be a waste of time. People with poor self esteem can send out vibes of not being interested without even realizing it. How's your posture? Do you avoid eye contact with guys? Do you not smile? Do you dress in baggy clothes to hide your body? These are all things people notice, and if it seems like you're trying to avoid getting any attention, then you won't get it. So stand (or sit) up straight, smile, look a guy in the eyes while talking to him, and dress like you like your body. I don't mean go the other extreme, and dress to show off, either. Even just clothes that fit properly will go a long way.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2013): Welcome to a man's world! Everything you've described is pretty much the exact experience for 80% of men out there. Women hardly 'chase' after average guys, initiate contact, ask to go out, etc.
I know gender roles have it in Western countries such that men typically ask women out, but in 2013, with all the advancements of the feminist movement for equality, why don't women do more of the 'approaching'? You seem upset with the fact guys don't approach you; have you tried approaching them?
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (10 October 2013):
I think you need to flirt! If you're feeling insecure about yourself and not making eye contact with any guys and flashing a smile or something, you're not going to attract anyone.
At your age, clubs might be kind of lame to you. But it's all about preference. I prefer to go to bars or lounges. And some may say that's the completely wrong place to meet a person, but I've dated guys I've met at bars and some were good guys. Of course, the alternative is joining some group or volunteer work that interests you so that you can meet someone that way.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (10 October 2013):
Despite what you think, most guys are too nervous to approach a girl they don't know and ask her out. You are just noticing it more.
If you go to a club that'd help, but the guy would probably be looking for a drunk one night stand.
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