A
male
age
36-40,
*hzam
writes:Ok, this is kinda a two part situation for me that is really hard for me to get over, so no flaming please =PWell i suppose i should start in the beginning and keep it short =P. Me and my ex dated for a year and a half and after her cheating on me twice i finally broke up with her. This was mainly do to the fact that she not only lied for several weeks about both times, but she kept it hidden that she dated my bestfriend behind my back. After the brake up, she turned most of "our" friends on me saying how horrible i was and frankly, didn't bother me to much since when i told my side of the story they sided with me. Frankly, i can be a a$$hole somtimes and i'm not afraid to admit it, she was. But anyways, she's been bugging me for almost a year now to make up with her and be friends; which of course i do NOT want to do but she still keeps trying. Sadly that isn't the big problem, since i can just ignore her.The big problem is it seems that every time i try and talk to this girl i've had a crush on since highschool she always seems to try and talk to me(i don't talk to her, it seems she always picks the perfect time bother my train of thought)of course i get angry and spitful and miss the chance to talk to Vanessa(the girl i like). A couple weeks ago i informed my friends and family of a complete change of email, facebook, yada yada and my ex hasn't been able to talk to me. But now i don't know how to even start talking to Vanessa~_~. I'm kinda anti-social and really shy which isn't helping any, and really just talking, not even dating, would mean enough to me. So i guess i'm asking for some advice on how to open up/talk to her after a messy and drawn out break up. Confidence is low after all the bashing and i know i need that most of all, but building it up is taking along time and seeing her everyday just makes it seem longer! Feel free to message me or leave a comment if you have some advice or questions ^^
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broke up, confidence, crush, facebook, my ex, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, StephJayne  +, writes (12 November 2009):
 I can see how you feel, my boyfriend had been through the same thing. He left his gf because she kept cheating on him and the final straw was her sleeping with someone else on Valentines day. When we met, it was after this had happened, about 6 months after and he was still upset about it and told me he could never trust anyone ever again. He spoke to me just like we were friends and he trusted me straight away. Now we are really happy together and he thought wrong all along, he now wants to have a future with me.Your ex is going to pop up alot in the picture, she's going to keep apologising to you, and probably when she finds out you have found someone else, she's going to try and do anything to get you back. You have got to not let her do this, she might contact you and say 'I still love you'. Which, you can only say to her 'If you really do love me, you will let me go'. She should understand and try and stay out of your way.Maybe, if you talk to her like a friend and build up your confidence to talk to girls. I'm sure that if you play it cool, you will become friends and you will be free to talk to her about anything. Then you can build up a good relationship. Just talk to her like a normal person and charm her if you must! :)Hope this has helped in anyway :) x
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