A
male
age
51-59,
*onelyAgain
writes:I want to know if there is anything I can do now to repair or recover my relationship. My girlfriend of 7 months broke up with me 2 months ago and I am completely devastated. She had tried to tell me several times that I wasn't giving her what she needed. I would go one or two days without calling or texting and she would say that she thought I was the kind of guy who was fine with just having her on the weekends and I wanted to be alone during the week. I thought she was overreacting about the non-calls; I just didn't hear what she was trying to tell me. Now that she's gone, I get it big time. I have tried to talk to her about it, but she said she doesn't want to talk about it anymore. She can't go back to us, because she is afraid that I won't change. I am genuine about wanting to change my behavior. Do you think that there is anything I can do or say to convince her to talk to me, or do you think I am just another stupid man who is incapable of loving a woman correctly? What would you do if you were me? I want to fight for her, but I don't think she wants me to. Thanks.
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male
reader, showoff201 +, writes (25 June 2010):
The samething happened to me!!
Correct me if i'm wrong but you dont have a really affectionate personality do you? All girls want and need attention on a regular bases from the guy they call their BF! If you dont supply her with that minimun then she will look for it elsewhere! You have an advantage on every other guy right now and thats is that she loves you! You gotta convince her that you changed by givin her what she wanted to begin with! Its really neva too late! The hard part isnt gettin her back, its gonna be keepin her! Be Genuine and dont ignore all the little detail she threw at first!
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (17 March 2010):
 Fight like you've never fought before. Go and see her, write her letters, beg her to come back. She needs the full on 'In your face' kind of treatment...
and if she does come back you better be good to your promise and try hard to not let her down again...or it's back to square one for you!
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (17 March 2010):
Perhaps just ask her if you can just be friends. Most women accept friendship and that's your foot in the door. Once you have this friends arrangement, start doing all you were supposed to do as a boyfriend; calling her etc. But I can't stress enough that you should not try any love talk for at least the first 2 months. If you do, she will catch you out and drop the friendship. Do the dinners/lunches/coffees etc and don't even try to kiss her. Initially, part with a cursory hug or just a kiss on the cheek or whatever. After several weeks of making her feel secure with you like this then you can assess when to bring up relationship matters again. Her old excuse will be dead because you would have proved yourself reliable.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (17 March 2010):
Wow, it's really sad to see that even when men are your age they still don't get it. Yes! She wants your attention and yes, if you want her, you need to fight for her; otherwise, she'll figure you don't give a crap about her still just like how you acted like you didn't give a crap before. You should know by now that women mean the opposite of what they say most of the time. Of course we tell you "no" but that's because we're over it, but at the same time if you actually tried and quit acting like a puss for once you might get somewhere.
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A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (17 March 2010):
 Its a tough situation. You could try writing a letter and get it delivered to her with flowers. It does sound like her mind is made up though so she will take a lot of convincing. Only time will show here if you have changed and she has to have that time to rebuild her trust in you.
If she does take you back, you will only get one more chance at it. Thing is if she is too controlling demanding you talk to her every day then thats probably not going to work out either in the long run.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2010): Your girlfriend was right to get out now and I admire her for being strong enough to do so. I have stayed with a guy for 5 years now who kept promising to change for me and keep in touch more when he travels and show more affection etc but this would only happen for about a month and then he would revert to his old ways. Now I have had enough but it is a lot more difficult to leave the relationship.
Just learn from this. When we say that we want more attention, phone calls etc. it is usually for a reason. Also if you really cared for her you would want to contact her so maybe she is not the one for you anyway.
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