A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've just started my last year before university. I'm pretty much a loner. I don't have friends and aside from school I'm always on the computer playing poker on facebook or watching sitcoms on t.v. I know it's not good to do this and I want to change but don't know how. I feel like if I am still like this by the time I start university next year that I will be like this for the rest of my life and will be alone without friends or family other than my parents. I am trying to talk to people but I never have anything to say and when other people are talking I can't intervene and relate to it because I am always on the computer and have no stories of my own to tell others. And I'm not creative so I can't even make up a story to share.What should I do?
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female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (28 September 2009):
I understand how you feel, I was like that when I was at university too. I was also incredibly shy. You didnt say if you were shy or not in your post, are you? Do you have any fears about talking to people or insecurities? Or is the main issue just not having anything to talk about?
If you are shy and if there is some fear involved then you need to firstly work out why that is. There is nothing wrong with being shy, doesnt make you a bad person, but it does make making friends harder then it should be. You could possibly try talking to a counsellor, most univertiies have a counsellor which you can talk to for free. They will be able to help build yourself confidence if it is an issue. And also they will be able to give you tips on how to make new friends.
If the problem is just that you dont have anything to talk about then maybe you should look at things to get involved in, things to do, which will help you have something to talk about. For example, travel, volunteer work, work, reading. Do you have any interests such as music? Movies? These are easy things to talk about as well if you are interested in them. Think of any other interests you may have and spend more time doing them.
Another easy thing to talk about to people at uni is about uni itself- I would use that as a conversation starter. Talk about the work.
Another possible probelm could be that maybe you are hanging around people who just dont have similar interests? What are your interests? And what are theres?
I know making new frineds is very hard and can seem quite daunting!! So dont think of it like that. Think of it as one baby step at a time. Dont think "ok i have to make so many new friends this week". Think more like "ok today I will smile and say hello to someone new" or "today i will try to start a conversation with someone else".
Another key tip is if you dont have anything to say, talk about the person you are talking to. Show an interest in them and there life and that will keep the conversaion going, as well as make them think you are interested in them. Alot of people like talking about themselves.
There are alot of self help books out there about how to make frineds etc, you could try reading some of them for more advice :)
I hope i have helped and if youd ever like to chat feel free to message me :)
The important thing to remmeber is to find what makes you happy and what you like, and talk about that. Dont go faking interests that you dont have (I tried that, i pretended i enjoyed clubbing like most university students but didnt really).
A
female
reader, DxRad711  +, writes (28 September 2009):
 well definitely done start by making up stories, if people want to get to know you its the real deal they want to know. Really dude just be yourself, and instead of trying to talk about passed experiences, voice your oppion on things talk about games you like/ don't like ect. A good place meet people and feel acomplished is getting a job or even volunteer work. Everything well come together, it just takes time
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A
male
reader, LessonsLearned +, writes (28 September 2009):
Don't worry. When you go to college your life will change. There will be plenty of opportunities to meet new people and experience new things. Just don't say no, have the courage to say yes when people ask you to go out and do things. First thing is to commit to using your computer to find social interactions not making the computer your life. For example, you like poker? Use your computer to find a poker hall or set up your myspace or facebook page asking for people to play with...in real life. Having a poker night with your buddies would be cool. Set aside at least one hour a day to pursuing social interests, be it poker, pool, whatever. Once you find out what you like and do those things you'll have plenty of stories to tell.
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